Nope, blame the imp! The imp that added extra bolts. And will steal your children’s dreams as they sleep. No biggie, think how cheap the chairs were!

My partner just assembled a bunch of ikea kids furniture and I’m convinced our kid is going to fall through the chair because there were screws/etc left over. He insists they’re just spares but I’m like ◔_◔

“...preys upon its customers’ desires to a supernatural degree...”

They’ll need to give the monsters names with no less than 16 consonants.

The real threat of Ikea is having your relationship fall apart as you and your significant other try to assemble a desk together.

“Evil IKEA” seems redundant. It’s already a fucking labyrinth nearly impossible to escape, filled with people that walk soooooooooo slowly that I feel like I’ve warped into a twilight zone that moves more slowly than reality while I remain at regular speed. I would not be surprised if there were a Minotaur hiding in…

If it’s all super Nordic monsters I am even more sold. Like a particle board end table harbors the soul of an angry gnome. I’ve only been in an IKEA once, but I still recall the terror of realizing that I had gotten a duvet but not a duvet cover, and I had to go against the arrows leading us through the cheerful…

But MEATBALLS.

WILL WÄTCH

This is legitimately an excellent idea. Every time I’m in IKEA, I am terrified. I do not understand how anyone could enjoy shopping in that claustrophobic nightmare.

That always confuses me. “If someone in church had a gun . . . “ Someone did have a gun, he shot a bunch of people.

Who doesn’t love performance f-art?

See reply above!

I shave both my armpits and my ladybusiness with the safety razor. The bikini area requires a more delicate touch and plenty of soaking/soap, but if you think about it like a man’s beard with the same sort of sensitive skin, it’ll start to come together. Might take some experimentation/troubleshooting to find out what…

I gave up clowning years ago!

Are we sure we want to bring them back? Today it’s jesters, tomorrow it might be flatulists.

Nice to know that my family is not the only one with this habit. :)

My dad does that too! I hear someone else whistle like that and I think ‘Dad?’. :)

My best friend makes a little huff noise to get my attention. It sucks when he has the sniffles and I am constantly stopping what I’m doing to look at him and expect him to say or do something important.

1. I like your mom