Imagine if we didn’t have illegals in our country? There’d be no more drunk drivers!

If only there had been a giant wall. That would surely have kept him out.

He probably tells his tailor he’s 6'3.

‘zactly. Deadbeat Chads.

Sounds like you meet the criteria, though.

I’d tell the officer’s wife to sleep with one eye open, but that doesn’t seem like the best advice in this case.

“Jokes on you, Robby. My wife has a nut allergy, which is why we can’t even have sex anymore.”

Anderson now facials up to a year in jail.

more like shitdowns amirite.

Aziz Ansari once took me on a date to Applebees. #metoo

I travel a lot to shithole towns and sometimes the only restaurant open past 8 pm is Applebees. It’s not great but I just shrug and go with it. Food that’s bland and warm and consistent coast to coast.

This is the comment of someone who has CLEARLY never been to Villanova. The fuck you doing calling Villanova “urban?”

You see, the crease is lava. And you can’t be in the lava with the ball or you catch on fire. You can be in the lava accidentally without the ball, but you have to leave immediately.

Incredibly bummed this isn’t just Magary in his living room in an ill fitting polo and cargo shorts screaming his head off and scaring his children.
Not mad, just disappointed.

She also expressed her feelings to him the next day. He heard her out and apologized. I see no reason to doubt the sincerity of his apology. His statement on the matter affirms that he took her words to heart.

This was a bad date. She had a horrible date with a clueless guy who thought he was being sexy and hot. She was made to feel uncomfortable, and it wasn’t right.

The story reads to me like a groupie dissatisfied she was treated like a groupie.

Just here for the comments:

You can SEE my valuables, but dagnabbit, you ain’t gonna TAKE them!!