Okay there’d be no dry food left if we’d all gotten our groceries tossed in a lake after we criticized a Jaguar drive.

More like varigross veins!

This is why I never exercise.

I can’t wait til Kaep caves, goes out and punches a woman and murders a few dogs and immediately gets offers from multiple NFL teams.

Dogged by Mike Vick. That’s ruff man.

I don’t mean this as body snark, but that picture looks like a photoshop fail to me. It’s a bit like a taffy pull. Maybe that’s her real body, but she’s a very petite woman. How does her torso look 4 feet long?

And they would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids!

“NFL disbursed $7.8 billion in national revenue—a 9.6 percent increase from the previous year.”

The good news- only one of the pair was harmed. The other lympian was unscathed.

You really think they could had gefilte’d that out.

“Is Emma Stone not available?”

The NDA can’t possibly keep someone from pressing charges when a member of the family is in violation of the law though?

The Trump boys look like a failed cloning experiment done in jars that someone didn’t sanitize properly.

What? No “I killed a fucking endangered animal with a gun” photos?

Well, if he’s that serious about emulating Napoleon, I’m up for sending Bannon to a desolate island to spend the rest of his life in the company of some scary green wallpaper.

Making fun of his weight is just picking low hanging fruit, which Christie would never touch, unless it’s covered in chocolate or filling a pie; because he’s a fatty fatty 2x4, can’t fit through the kitchen door.

A professional wrestler in a high school gym in rural Kentucky is better informed than our president.

I’ve done Murph a couple times (no vest), and I think my best time ever was around 55 minutes. For comparison, I can run a mile in 5:30, two miles at 13:00 without feeling particularly winded, rock climb regularly at V4s pushing to V5s, and oh yeah, I played in the fucking NFL.

No one cares about college rowing but like Donald Trump Jr., I rowed in college. (He was on the team at Penn for 1 year.) The standard by which rowers are judged is 2000 meters on the Concept 2 ergometer. The slowest guy on our team went 6:48. He was 5'10", 171lbs and iron deficient. Still, that score is butt. Donald…