"REMEMBER THE ALZADO!" [raises fist]

So poor old Tebow can't make an NFL roster? I'm more than comfortable blaming the victim in this circumstance.

The swear jar at the goddamn Reed household is actually a fucking Olympic-sized swimming pool.

My favourite floor chip flavour is Stale Urine & Dashed Hopes.

His place-holder, Sancho Panza, maintains that the Giants are the toughest team they've ever faced.

[puts head on desk, sighs deeply]

In order to garner affection from my kids I make a scratch Mac & Cheese.

Patriots Screw Panthers, Create Super Panther That Patrols Mexican Border And Eviscerates All Undocumented Children

Anonymous sources tell us that after Mixon had professed his desire to be a running back in the mold of Ray Rice, Molitor said, "Mixon, I served Ray Rice. I know Ray Rice. Ray Rice is a friend of mine. Mixon, you're no Ray Rice".

I missed the best sports site thread earlier but I think it would be great if the commenters that wish to argue about semantics or spelling/grammar errors could split off to a sub-site in one of the outer rings of some sort of Inferno and those that want to make jokes could be sent to some other sub-site where the…

"There's a fine for hitting a defenseless player? Courtland Finnegan wins again!" [raises arms in triumph]

If the apple doesn't fall far from the tree it'll be the first kid's show not recommended for kids.

My takeaway is that this guy doesn't know the difference between a vacuum and a bubble. Those are two completely different things.

"Okay, okay-we'll pay them...something. But we can still spit in their faces and call them dogs, right?"

Not sure about some of these beers but have you ever noticed that Andy Rooney's 60 Minute IPA tastes like drivel?

I have at least 5 copies of that cover buried somewhere.

"STOP SHOWING THEM 'VERTIGO' ON MOVIE NIGHT!"

"It's the little details that count the most."

Melo is not the least bit surprised that this is the dude's only tattoo.

"Call me 'The Third Wheel', will you? All of you can suck on a yellow brick as far as I'm concerned!"