A bold statement, my friend. Not one I'll debate you on, though.

I've broken my ear trying to listen to John Cage.

Nicely done, rhythm.

That's exactly what I was getting at. Grass-fed but shot through and through with liquid cancer that promotes growth? "All-natural!", according to the FDA's interpretation of the phrase. I'm exaggerating to make a point, of course.

Adam Richman is shilling for WalMart and their "all-natural" steaks? What does all-natural even mean? Is that code for "Hey, you dumb fucking hicks, could you start confusing all-natural with "organic"? That'd be great!" Why do his ears look so big?

I'm old but not quite that old. I can't stand The Beatles. I understand their influence and all that, but I was over-exposed to them as a kid.

Well, the night can only get better after hearing that.

That's good stuff.

This comment was a bit harsh. My apologies.

"As far as gerbils go, he was one of the very best."*

Oh, I had to listen to an H2O joke. Thanks for nothing, deadspinners.

I'm in The Canada and we don't get Science. It's all Gut Instinct/Intuition up here.

Conditions Of Sale Stipulations:

Is anyone watching anything of interest on the tube? I'm going to get Netflix again but I'm a level 100 Procrastinator. Is there anything out there? So help me God, I will watch The Big Bang Theory if no one weighs in.

I made it to 19 seconds. Do you have anything like a hungover Willie Nelson singing the aria from The Barber of Seville so that I can cleanse my musical palate?

Not the GROUP OF DEATH [cue melodramatic music] for sure. I guess it could be called the GROUP OF HEY, C'MON OVER TO MY PLACE FOR A BEER AFTER THE GAME. Which, to be frank, is not catchy at all.

[wonders what World Cup sex would be like]

Judge: "And for the crime of theft I sentence you to five years in prison. May God have mercy on your soul." [bangs gavel]

Asked why he was still wrestling at the age of 70, Abdullah replied, "It's the groupies, to be honest-once you get a taste of them you can never get it out of your mouth".

"You know how to wake up an asshole? Bang on his door at 4:30am, make him do 100 pushups, don't let him get dressed and have him run sprints for an hour and a half in just his jockeys. THAT'S how you wake up an asshole!"