My best one has to be last year, when I was in my friend Dave's wedding (not his real name). The wedding itself went fine, except for when the lights flickered in the church during the vows and everyone freaked out and the bride's grandmother wanted to start the vows over.

I had a really problematic pregnancy. When I delivered, I tore. Forward. This is apparently kind of rare, but I split up the middle toward my clitoris. I cannot explain how painful that was.

My husband literally sent me this picture this morning of a house he was cleaning out (He's a repo man for foreclosures). This was just sitting out on their back porch.

My mother used to say she wouldn't pay for the wedding if we didn't live with our partners first (she then paid for my sister's wedding when she didn't live with her husband first because he was pretending to be virginal for his mother)

Significantly better:

Sorry but it's all about Zayn!!

I just Google Image searched "classy lady bear." Why can't those skanky Noble High students dress more like this?

When my parents drove me home from the hospital after I was born, they strapped me into my car seat but didn't realize you also had to strap the seat into the car.

Normandy butter

I'm guilty! I once had a dream that I was urinating. Turns out, it wasn't a dream. Peeing myself is what woke me up. And I think I just over-shared.

Please note from the outset of this story that my family LOVES squirrels. I even had one as a pet as a kid, but that's another story.

Ok. Here is mine. My husband as some of yall may know was a controlling abusive asshole. We always had problems but I stayed so I didnt look like a failure. I work in an industry where I am priviledged to know lots of police officers and tow truck drivers. I always had suspicions that he was cheating on me but could…

My husband and I decided he would "geo-bach"(basically he moved for work and I stayed home with our young daughter) because his deployment schedule was going to be bananas for a year or so. That year turned into three, and while it wasn't ideal, he came out to visit every few months and I thought we were okay. We…

I was engaged and living with a man I had been with for 6 years. He had broken up with me the year before and we called off the wedding, but after two months got back together. He broke up with me again, because I wasn't being "wife-like" enough for him, and I once again packed a bag and headed to stay with my…

Took the kids on vacation with my mom, because ex-husband was sooo adamant about not missing work/not kenneling the dogs. Fine, whatever, couldn't change his mind. Came home a day early because we were exhausted, walked into the house with my 6 month old and 2 year old to see him screwing our barely legal…

I caught The Ex cheating on me at my cousin's wedding. I was a bridesmaid so I was busy helping her all night and didn't have much time to spend with him which was fine since he knew most of the other guests. We were all forming a line on the steps that led the newlyweds down to their car, and I looked into the…

I was dating this guy, and I was attracted to him on an intellectual level because he was so creative, but the physical attraction wasn't very high. He was kind of an awkward lover - if we switched from me on top to him on top, instead of rolling over, he'd stand up on the bed while I laid down. And not only would he…

Turnabout is fair play, so...

My girlfriend and I live in Lake Tahoe. Like a lot of people who live in beautiful places, we pay a fucking premium to rent abject shitholes, which are also drafty. In January of last year, during a snowstorm, my landlord informs me that she'll be 'renovating' my shithole of a place and that I have 29 days to get out…