A friend of mine is a counselor for a program like this—meant as an intervention for at-risk high school boys before they offend. The shit she talks about is sometimes incredibly scary; these boys talk like villains from rape-awareness PSAs. They genuinely believe that women “ask for it” (meaning abuse, rape,…

Exactly. I’ve known several incredibly strong women who suffered partner abuse in silence. When they came out to me I was shocked because they seemed like the type to “know better.”

It makes me feel weird too. The issue isn’t necessarily “raising awareness”, although that’s not a bad thing, I think the problem is that women especially don’t have enough resources by the time they realize they’re locked in an abusive relationship. It’s very sneaky that way. I’ve heard from more than one woman that…

Well, no, there are actually really good results so long as you start the interventions when they’re young. Success rates with 45 y/o’s suck, yeah, but 19 y/o’s are an entirely different question.

I’m not 100% sure what your metaphor is (though I’m sure it’s a good one, I’m just super tired and not braining very well), but something I always think when I see these things is “You’re just telling the perpetrators how to better hide their behaviour, gaslight, and lie”. Which is why I think if they really gave a…

The idea of “leave at the first sign” is slap in the face to the many women who will experience abuse for the first time when pregnant, after leaving work. That is actually a very common time for partners to turn abusive: during a first pregnancy when a woman is physically vulnerable and economically dependent.

Yeah no. There are professionals in the field of psychology who have dedicated their lives to working with abusers. They affirm that they have had no significant success.

Or they don’t see what they’re doing as abuse, particularly in the financial/emotional realm. That’s the scary part. They still see themselves as decent people.

How does this increase awareness? It literally just throws a virtual fist in women’s faces. It doesn’t give any helpful information.

I said that “it is important that they understand society abhors them.” Not that society actually abhors them.

Getting real tired of “awareness being raised” (supposedly, but not really) and nothing ever actually being done to help victims or prosecute perps. Awareness is not justice. Awareness is not action. Awareness is not safety. And in this case, “Awareness” is the same old bullshit victim-blaming (“Don’t let it get”,…

Mmmm... Sorry, but this gives off a very icky vibe to me. Sort of a cross between “domestic violence is super easy to stop, if you really want to” and “only women who use dating apps are at risk”. Nope.

Yeah it is nowhere near as simple as avoiding abuse by watching out. A lot of this shit is ingrained, or they think they deserve it, or it’s all in their heads, etc. it’s very insidious.

“Don’t let it get ugly.” The subtext being, if it does get ugly, it’s because you let it. This is the same kind of garbage as those PSAs that put the onus on women not to get raped. It’s never about telling men not to rape, not to abuse - it’s always about telling us how not to get raped or get abused. And before…

the different kinds of abuse that exist besides physical that can be equally, if not far more insidious (emotional, verbal, financial)

Guys are a bit like dogs...can be nice...will turn on you in a second without all that much warning

How well does this work in practice, and how often do personal firearms get used against women?

I am all for raising awareness of domestic violence, but I’m not loving that. It implies all guys get violent and it’s up to women to prevent it. And that’s only one issue. Just...it could have been done better.

Er. My eyes are dislocated from all the rolling they do at #notallniceguys, but even I’m a little crept out by this one. Is this a real organization? I can think of better ways of selling “leave at the first sign” than “be paranoid, men on your screen are waiting to attack you”. Not to mention maybe not wonderful for…

Surely this should be aimed at the men?