How many sheep?

You just know this has been said in the Oval Office at least once recently:

I got fooled as a kid into trying Creamofsomeyoungguy sauce.

The acting was so bad, I stopped watching.

Criminally Gross. That was one of the charges against Weinstein methinks.

Of behalf of my Grandmothers, Mother, Sisters and all females far and wide:

Shouldn’t we be saying that the coronavirus has been exposed to Ted Cruz?

Too bad it only afflicts human beings.

...and smoke it!

This just proves that the Swedish Chef is still on drugs.

We had a Taco Bell taco eating contest at work once for a $100 prize. Upon downing his 11th taco in under 3 minutes, my friend starting sneezing uncontrollably and (he said) a piece of lettuce shot out his nose across the room.

I feel sorry for his wife. Can you imagine that pasty Lurchy-Frankenstein motherfucker fixin’ to mount? Jebus Christie!

Attendees didn’t get the irony.

Your French Fry Farts gave you away.

You made me cry with laughter! I salute you kind internet stranger!

So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You’re like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know...

You should get 20% off if you are missing a pinkie toe or can bowl over a 200.

Do tell...

The Jolly Green Giant diddled my cousin.

He must have the same cardiologist as Darth Cheney. There is no logical reason why his heart has not exploded based on age and diet.