I’ll wager he is exactly just that stupid.

You must be my long lost twin! I have exactly this about once a month when the wife works late. Add a glass of chocolate milk and I am suddenly back to being an 11-year-old latch-key kid.

I’ll take ”Politicians’ wives who (hopefully) died in a fire.” for $1000, Alex.

Will you be my Valentine, Michael?

Only in Colorado...

Not being able to maintain an erection has nothing to do with it!

Glad I read this as I was just a second away from drinking a glass of bleach with no note.

Boiled chicken livers with mixed veggies as a special treat on special occasions. Otherwise, Kirkland kibble for our three mutts.

Dad?

Hey! Chickenpooper isn’t weird! He’s a Geologist, not a rock star. Wait...

Oh, their Jets are super cold. So cold in fact that you may contract Mononucleosis.

My wife will lose her mind if she won’t be able to watch Ray kill Angelina Jolie’s Dad.

Aye Felta Thigh

I think that’s how they make cream.

Brilliant!

Well, I guess Iowa is fairly representative of America after all.

Sure, tell that to Long Juan Silvio.

Trot yourself over and saddle up to the next food booth, pal.

The problem with avocados is NOT the preparation. It is being able to find that 17 minute window when they are perfectly ripe. It is the worst Goldilocks scenario.