I’m 48 and I just found out that wasn’t true because you said so now.

Most of my thanksgiving mishaps are relatively benign and humorous (Christ, some of you have had shitty holidays, sending you love!).

“How can you top the poop?”

I’ll never forget the first Thanksgiving that my oldest brothers girlfriend (now his wife) came for dinner. She said some words that changed my life forever.

This isn’t a bad story, it’s one of my favorite Mom stories because my mom is awesome. Being a traditional Jewish mom, she must feed people and be the best hostess possible. The first Thanksgiving my now husband spent with my parents, we flew down on Thanksgiving morning since we both had to work the day before.

My mother is very mentally unstable and a filthy hoarder. Not TV Special-level hoarding, but really bad. I do not eat at her house because she is horribly unhygienic and thinks nothing of leaving perishables out all night then serving to us the next day. She likes garbage to remain scattered on the floor and around…

One year my mom got angry and threw the turkey into the driveway. My little sister retrieved it, we picked the rocks out of it, cooked it and ate it.

I think I told this a couple years ago, but it’s still my worst Thanksgiving. I had recently started grad school at Texas A&M (1987, I think). My sister was visiting for Thanksgiving and a professor (he was in a biological science) on my committee invited us to his house for dinner. Around the table were the prof, his…

Thanksgiving was literally always a shitshow in my family. Every year, no matter what. My junior year of college, I got home late the night before Thanksgiving, probably around 930PM. My dad had made my favorite dish, black beans and white rice. I have a wide variety of food allergies with varying effects. Sometimes…

Oh boy, i’ve got a doozy.

My Thanksgiving horror story is still unfolding.

Are you having a stroke?

So after numerous Bud Lights and glasses of supermarket wine, my former brother-in-law decided the Thanksgiving table was the proper time to announce his vasectomy. Uncomfortable laughter followed. Then my equally drunk father-in-law decided to one-up his SiL by announcing his recent vasectomy! My ex-MiL was a quiet…

My husband’s cousin is bringing his three kids AND his side piece whore to family dinner while his wife he left, who I consider a friend is left home alone. The family also expects me, an unabashed loudmouth to not talk a bunch of shit and hurl this alice-the-goon-looking turf with nothing to offer but but 100 daily…

^

I was sad that there were no new stories until I realized you don’t owe fucking Denton any new content.

Pinkham, I am not going to lie, yours was a blog I had looked forward to commenting on each week, and during the typical Monday struggles of a mundane office job your posts brightened my mornings. It was your blog where a comment of mine reached over 200 stars for the first time, and I had looked forward to the day I…

One day we can have a powerful female action hero who happens to also like women without the damn Male Gaze fantasy aspect.

I don’t know that it would’ve been “OK,” but they wouldn’t have been followed out of the restaurant in the first place had they left even a decent tip.