Preeeeeetty sure you love to be “that guy.”

WHY ARE WE SHARING THIS PHOTO

JESUS H CHRIST I NEVER NOTICED THOSE. Fuck me.

Y’all, they plagiarized the pitch. Gillian Flynn should sue.

The problem is guns. Not mental illness, not misogyny, not male entitlement. Those are other problems, with other solutions. The problem causing mass shootings is guns.

ITS ABOUT ETHICS IN RESTURERENT JOURNALISM

Let me just get the Pinkham’s Law out of the way, because I don’t see any yet and I’m SURE it’ll happen-

ARGLE BARGLE BUT RESTAURANT MANAGERS WORK HARD TOO AND NEVER GET TIPS DID YOU KNOW RESTARANT MONAGERS CARE ONLY ABOUT THE SUCCESS OF THE RESTESRAUNT AND ARE SELFLESS ANGELS TO WORK AS HARD AS THEY DO FOR THE…

This is what happens when you don’t copy and paste that disclaimer on Facebook.

A testicle got stuck in a butthole.

Someone once hit on my BFF by bragging that he was going to be performing at a show headlined by Cook. My BFF shot him an incredulous look and said, “Ew.” It was beautiful to watch, especially because he was completely baffled—it had apparently never occurred to him that there were people in the world who don’t find…

I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that this will surprise no one.

I'm sorry you live with so little joy.

“Did you accidentally pick up your husband’s magazine?”

All the best people I know are dogs.

Once again, dogs are better than humans.

“Although we understand the risks involved when we head out into the Forests to watch rally, it doesn’t make it any less tragic when spectator deaths occur.”

I’ve known a few, but they didn’t have student loans bringing them down.

As in you don’t believe in them? (I’m 29, and this doesn’t describe a single one of my friends, either.)

Of all the fucking—WHY WOULD SOMEONE WORKING FOR TIPS STEAL YOUR WALLET RIGHT BEFORE THE PART WHERE YOU TIP THEM.

But what about the chocolate and the wine, for when we invariably cry after a long and difficult business meeting?