I just clip my nails in the shower and avoid this particular problem altogether.

Winter has a fetish that can never be fulfilled.

I would buy a sink like that.

Has someone alerted J.K. Rowling that one of her villains is on the loose?

Stop hoarding the booze fumes.
I’m barely getting through his first (gods, PLEASE ONLY) term.

Until now, I didn’t even know that aircraft HAD a gender.

Shared custody.

In general, airports are climate controlled, so I prefer to dress lighter (so as not to overheat on board the aircraft), and bring a destination-correct change of clothes in my carry-on if I'd need to change at the destination airport.

Ideally, I will be dead by then, and then, of course, I will no longer care.

Counterpoint,

Please be advised, the 3rd generation Dots no longer use micro-USB chargers.

Please be advised, the 3rd generation Dots no longer use micro-USB chargers.

I’ll give you $50 for that rock!
<tiger growls menacingly from the next room>

I like the cut of your jib.

I like the cut of your jib.

A lot of that depends on driving style, but my limited understanding of mechanical engineering would suggest that heavier vehicles wear the brakes comparatively more quickly than lighter vehicles do.

But 4jim, I AM you, just from 22 months in the future.
Before I go, I just have to warn you... DON’T CUT THE YELLOW WIRE.

No, now you’re just talking to yourself.
Definitely not weird.

Wait, so does Hyundai simply not exist?
Have I been driving a fantasy this entire time??
Is my fantasy even still parked out behind my office right now???
Are there four question marks at the end of this sentence????

I continuously tell myself that my day-job is simply how I fund my childhood dreams.

I’m a big advocate of using tranquilizer guns to vaccinate people at a distance.