Take chances! Make mistakes! Get messy!

Get out of here. You know that the Munchkins are not sending their best and brightest. The Munchkins are sending rapists and criminals. They’re bringing problems with them. They’re bringing drugs, and they’re bringing crime. And a few Munchkins, I assume, are good people.

I guess she really was still in Kansas.

Little orange person with tiny hands who likes to grab girls under their skirts...Sounds familiar? Anyone?

At least she didn’t get her shoes stolen by an ingrate from Kansas.

Well, I mean...my pregnancy was unwanted, and that baby is now a disaffected teen who does indeed shop at Hot Topic. But other than that, this godawful personal reflection of a white single dude’s sexual failings was a waste of my fucking time. Which, funnily enough, is exactly what I’d imagine sex with him is like.

You’ll be back, soon you’ll see
You’ll remember you belong to me
You’ll be back, time will tell
You’ll remember that I served you well
Oceans rise, empires fall
We have seen each other through it all
And when push comes to shove
I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love!

Just imagining his stupid face as he tries to waddle into Parliament, only for the door to be pulled closed again and a chorus of harrumphs echoing from inside. Sweet baby Jesus I’m dying.

Archie’s off falling in love with his music teacher Miss Grundy, who is no longer sporting a grey bun but is considerably younger and hotter.

This sent me down a Letters to Cleo Internet hole, and now I follow Kay Hanley on Twitter. Thanks?

#Backdoorlover or GTFO

i sent a similar group text. no response.

Depp spent in excess of $75 million to acquire, improve and furnish 14 residences, including ...a fully-functioning horse farm in Kentucky.

Corruption’s such an old song that we can sing along in harmony
And nowhere is it stronger than in Albany the upselling market for Hamilton tickets

Tough shit. I’m tired of being Captain Save-a-Ho to the rest of the knuckle-dragging mouth-breathing country. It’s not MY job to drag you kicking and screaming into the 20th century.

I very much believe every bit about Robin Thicke. He’s a real chode. I hope someone shaves his head. It doesn’t sound like much, but you just know he would fucking die inside.

If you’re willing to be the back half of a moose, I’ve got a plan...

I prefer the Morporkian version of the saying:

Spencer did nazi that coming....