You made me dribble coffee down my shirt. I’m not mad tho.

“I’ve told people I’m thinking of forming a group called the ‘Ass Busters,’” he growled. “We’ll block the street, capture them and take ‘em all about 50 miles out in the gulf and see if they can swim back.”

I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that there are people out there who think this is a legit thing, Scientology. It causes entire families nothing but pain.

Did they seriously create websites and give awful nicknames to members of Remini’s crew? And make videos? Holy cannoli. Unfortunately I can’t watch anything at work, but just scrolling down that page they created made me sick.

I’m not crying, you’re crying.

In college, I drove up to Toronto with my roommate and we went to see Cirque du Soleil after eating about four grams of mushrooms apiece. It was simultaneously amazing and horrifying. We were laugh-crying all night and it was glorious. I have no recollection of how we got back to our hotel.

That reminds me of the movie Man of the Year, where Robin Williams is a late night host (I think - I only saw it once, ages ago) and he runs for president. I think Colbert could win without the vote tampering, though...

“Burnt sienna merkin”

As soon as you said ‘electricity rates’, I saw red and a flashing image of Kathleen Wynne in my mind and heard that music from Kill Bill.

Ohhhh my god is that a weenie dog showering in the sink?!

Exactly.

I don’t think anyone wants to inherit the mess 45's going to leave behind :/ I say you just burn it to the ground, salt the earth, and move elsewhere.

Before I became kitchen manager at my old job, the title belonged to this sentient grease slick we will refer to as Gross Manager Jerk. GMJ liked to ‘accidentally’ touch the female waitstaff, most of whom were under 20 and hadn’t experienced real workplace harassment yet—none of them ever reported it, likely because…

No one twerks like Gaston!

The best part about Bannon’s appointment to the NSC was that 45 apparently didn’t know that’s what he was signing. So to lay it out: that bewigged, orange goiter has a habit of signing things without actually looking too closely at what they are. Neat.

He’s far from the only one—he just happens to be the loudest. I don’t know about everyone else in the world, but my conclusion about 45 is this:

Yeah, it’s basically all to do with the thickness of the steak and the size of the tenderloin. A lot of steakhouses sell porterhouse steaks and call them t-bones, even though they would probably qualify as porterhouse. Meat minutiae!

Whenever anyone asks what Dinosaur Jr. is and immediately follows it with a question (“Dinosaur Jr? What’s that, some kinda ___?”) I just say ‘yep’ to whatever they say. A lot of people now think I’m really into paleontology, and children’s concerts.

I’m going to see Dinosaur Jr. as well! I am the only person in my office excited for it. One of the interns asked me if it was an exhibit at the Science Center. :/