“Pepperidge Farm bread...that’s fancy bread. You can tell it’s fancy because it’s wrapped twice. You open it... and it still ain’t open. That’s why I don’t buy it. I don’t need another step between me and toast.” - Mitch Hedberg

I like Planned Parenthood’s version of the TrumpPence logo:

So much thrusting.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have tried for a third one.”

“Of Coors you should have!”

That’s a hefty contract. I guess there was no way the Bronco’s were gonna get Miller lite.
I guess now that he’s getting all the money he’ll be living the Miller High Life.
I guess this was a real Miller Genuine Draft 64 Lemonade???

Maybe I shouldn’t have tried for a third one.

I hope the woman finds out and sues the ever loving crap out of her.

What a horrible person. I hope that the woman whose picture was taken is doing okay. :( Such a foul fucking human, man.

Can’t find his name in the phone book.

hmm

This joke is both original and hilarious.

If the Earth were round, Giancarlo Stanton’s dingers would go straight into outer space. Think about it, you guys.

With that many trips to the Fifth, I wish he mixed it up along the way like Tron Carter. One, two, three, four, FIF!

Earnest, a tour bus operator, had the assist.

I don’t understand everyone praising him for his consistency. I mean, isn’t the point of having a Duncan is so that it can be up-and-down?

From a 1988 story in the PSU Daily Collegian about Nittany House:

The NYT piece is definitely a solid primer on how not to buy a piano, but if you specifically want to not buy a piano, proceed as follows:

Looks like they might be...