Everytime I watch the melodica cover, I have a flashback to show-and-tell in 5th grade when I played "Jurassic Park" on my coronet. I was not talented.

Agreed. There are some simple non-judgemental tips and guidelines. These will come off as "standard guidelines" and will be accepted as such rather than personal attacks. Lots of kids and their parents don't know what a balanced diet looks like (how much carbs to protein to vegetables), or that eating breakfast is…

this is exactly the subtext I understood.

That made me want to sob for like a million reason. Sob with jealousy that I can't work out like that. Sob that people criticize her body when ITS FUCKING GODDESS PERFECTION. Sob from the emotionally manipulative rags-to-riches sub-plot of commercial.

My grandpa was an ELCA minister. A more bleeding heart liberal was never seen. (Although, I am Catholic and my high school had a Gay-Straight Alliance 10 years ago, so its not all bad on our front either)

I'm guess you're ELCA and not Missouri/Wisconsin synod?

I think you got the first part right— as a man, sticking up for yourself has always been treated as a noble and good thing; you see this as a natural reaction. For women, its different. Many are, unfortunately, taught that anything bad that happens to them is something that they earned or deserved, and that they just…

Your friends waist circumference is only 30" ; they say this is the more relevant indicator of healthy (external) versus unhealthy (on top of your organs) fat. I mean, doctors and statisticians need some kind of easy-peasy way to get statistics; one would think this is the easiest of all.

Ask Polly is the BEST and I think Jezebel readers would love her. Highly recommended.

Apart from the Joan Rivers tribute jokes, which were nice; the joke in the beginning about Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah being broken up was awkward, but the awkwardness is mitigated because it is very nice and refreshing to see that they still like each other after said breakup. I guess the "I'm fucking Matt Damon" video…

I don't understand why this is an either/or discussion. This is why outlet shopping and discount department stores are great. I have solid-colored, nicely styled Banana Republic, BCBG and Calvin Klein dresses that I've worn to teach, out to dinner, to weddings and none of them have cost me over $100 dollars.

I immediately thought of Kim.

I know this is going to be an unpopular opinion, but . . . I really like it. I think its flattering on her (yes, in a medieval dominatrix way), but she toned down the make-up and hair which is very pretty. The chainmail skirt is kind of gorgeous.

I am charmed by everything in this situation.

Someone please "force" me into a job as a college professor at SUNY- Binghamton.

I know you're making a joke. I also want to add that the expression "only a mother could love" is just as blithe and pollyanna-ish as "all women are beautiful" since plenty of children have mothers who just are goddamn awful and don't love them.

Re: freaky long hair: Beyonce looks great. But on anyone else, baglady. I think this is how most fashion magazine looks play on me and normal people.

"colored people" implies that the natural state of "people" is to be white, and all other people must be qualified as differing from this norm.

What you're describing is classism, not racism. But I appreciate and agree that class-bigotry is more generally acceptable than racism in public dialogue.

I think "avoiding friendship with people of opposite race" is one of the most casual forms of racism among "liberals," myself included. When I started living in a 90% black neighborhood, I also had to confront my own assumptions that "oh, we're so culturally different . . .we can't possibly be friends." Thats racism.…