Except for the whole “getting all the inheritance” bit. The prodigal son asks to become a servant in the house, and dad welcomes him to a feast welcoming him home. The responsible brother is bitter, so Dad just says, “Relax, you’re still getting the money and land, just don’t be a jerk to your brother. We should be…

And all the young audience members nodded their heads in agreement to his platitudes about outreach and understanding, and then they left the auditorium, graduated, moved to one of three cities, wasted their votes in 90% Democratic districts, and lost the House of Representatives and the presidency for another 50…

Man, they must skip a lot of the Bible.

“Becausepeople too much goddamn stock in fictional portrayals of who they think represents them instead of finding actual people who do.”

OR...the mother could have called the son, saying pick up your stuff or I’m selling it.

It’s too late...they’ve already sold off the Craftsman and Kenmore brands. The CEO/majority shareholder is convinced that the way to success is through memberships and loyalty programs.

They already sold off Craftsman to Black and Decker, they’re donezo.

The fact that Sears and Kmart are still around in 2017 is a far more impressive fact. The most mystifying detail of all? Why the hell Sears maintained a presence in gradually-dying shopping mall.

And an HSA lets you pay for that w/ tax-free money, which is helpful if you’re a good candidate for a high-deductible plan (I’ve been on them for years). Sadly, some people can only/barely afford the high-deductible plans and but can’t afford the high deductible either. We need single-payer. It’s the only option that…

No, Cancer is not bipartisan. The Republicans are trying to strip Americans of health care as we speak. Cancer is very much supported by the Republicans.

I think they’re showing how it all falls apart without women??

I’m sure it’s all Obama’s fault.

I really, really like this guy.

“Chance the Rapper announced that he’s donating $10,000 each to 10 public schools in his hometown of Chicago, for a total of $1 million”

Yeah. I think a lot of people have noted that the next terrorist attack (you know, the next one that’s perpetrated by—or can be pinned on—brown people, and not the kind of terrorism where a white man in Kansas tells Indian men to “get out of my country” and then murders them) could be Trump’s Reichstag fire. And that…

Call this what it is: a mentally ill hoarder was crushed under his belongings. Who cares what they are? This is sad. :(

The President of the United States is supposed to salute the troops regardless of having or not having a history of military service.

Garters?! Too fancy for a Real American like Donald.

Funny, because I wish Donald trump was fighting anti-Semitism.

In pinch, the device can double as a heart replacement.