"You're damn right a couple of weeks is an 'extended period of time'."
- Roger Goodell

I like how you repeated "exactly why" for emphasis. It really made your point.

It was Brett Favre. Brett Favre fucked the footballs, and they lost air. With his tiny penis.

It turns out that surveillance video captured an individual inserting a tiny pin-shaped cylinder, no more than 0.75" in length and 0.02" in diameter into the footballs, resulting in the loss of air. No surprise, then, that the person of interest is Brett Favre.

"Yell 'shit' really loud."
-How to win a S word fight

The homeless men also reported seeing 14 clubs strewn about near Allenby, before finding him in the bag.

Oh sure, but when I drop 37 at my job, I'm "a danger" and "not fit to deliver babies."

It amazes me that this kind of stuff keeps happening to pro athletes. They are multi-millionaires easily have the resources to avoid these kinds of unfortunate situations. I mean, really, bowling???

$89B? What a moron! B is a letter.

+1

Hey, I live just north of this in Vancouver, and let me tell you, these Stanley multitools are great. They've got everything but a Cup.

"Who needs a dispute for family ownership to be ugly?"
-Mark Davis

A fourth witness has come forward confirming the story again, and adding that he had encouraged the golfer to throw paper, but "the damn bastard was so drunk and stubborn he insisted on scissors."

You are cool and good, Jon Palmer.

It probably wasn't "amateur".

Trailer: "THIS IS NOT A TEST"
Cardale Jones: "Thank God."

+1

This isn't anything new. After Super Bowl XXV, Scott Norwood kept shaking his head and muttering "God hates FGs".

+1