The “apology”:

This was my favorite bit: “There’s a big movement in reality TV to be outraged about feminism. I’ve been in professional wrestling. So yes: come see my mirror; eat my wings—I don’t know what to tell you, honey.”

Always test mirrors if you're in a room with one. Put your fingernail against the glass. There should be a gap between your finger and its reflection. If there's no gap, you got a two-way mirror.

CUCUMBERS LIVEIN THE SEA.

I don’t want to hijack the thread, because these stories are amazing (and almost uniformly sad). I have a request, though — I’m the father of a 9-year-old daughter, and I’m genuinely curious if there’s anything I can do to help prepare her for what’s coming.

Just when I thought I could no longer feel, the loss of Tinkerbell makes me feel SO MUCH.

The waitress’s exasperated manager, the bartender and two bus boys join in the search and they eventually find it - at the bottom of a full pitcher of water.

Not inaccurate.

Are you nuts? It’s only 9 AM - do not tempt the Fates!!

Read that as “pit of Cheetos,” was very excited for a second TBH.

Do the Darwin Awards have some sort of Dishonorable Mention?

Holidae In

Whenever I go out, I always have an eye out for people who need a little help getting way. Also that bride sounds awesome.

Bachelorette parties will forever have a special place in my heart. The first time I ever went to a real club (alone and with a male friend), this guy kept creeping over and grinding on me, uninvited. I wasn't yet the elbow-throwing feminist menace I am today, so I didn't know what to do other than sort of awkwardly…

More importantly, what were the women in the bachelorette party wearing that would have egged on this behavior?

"I don't understand why women just don't TELL men they aren't interested."

I think she bears the brunt of it too because she has the TEMERITY to have a weight that fluctuates. The only thing worse than being fat is being fat and then SOMETIMES NOT BEING FAT. <GASP>

The other thing is that she put herself out there to sing, which she is still doing extremely well, not to be a sex object. So like even if that argument is valid at all (it’s not) it still makes no sense here.

People tell themselves that in order to not feel shitty about being mean to strangers.