My 15-year-old niece got a talking-to from her high school guidance counselor for the exact same thing. She’s “too confident in her answers,” and it upsets her male teachers. Because…they’re overly emotional, insecure crybabies, I guess?

The first example to come to mind:

SHE'S A FALLEN WOMAN OF LOOSE MORALS

:-/

omg what is Big Gay Ice Cream and why can't I have it now

Furniture crossing in front of the window!?!?

My transfer applications are due on April 1st, which is mildly terrifying me.

A couple years ago, I had friends that went to Vegas one weekend and got married on March 30th. They changed their relationship status when they got back...on April 1st. They didn't even think about what day it was until they got a mix of comments from people going "Congratulations" and "Ha ha, very funny joke".…

I knew a guy in college who never went to this one class. Around the time the midterm is coming up, he goes to his section. At the end, he asks the TA when the midterm is again. She says, "Tu..." and he's thinking "Tuesday," but what actually comes out is "Two o'clock."

He and his friend have done no reading and gone…

this is one I actually used. I was five years old, playing with my cousins at my Babcia's house. She was making dinner and was a terrible cook. When she called us in for dinner, I told her I couldn't eat because I was sick. She asked what was wrong, and I told her it was prostate cancer.

A kid who was late to my class once said that he was helping someone out of a burning building. I laughed and told him to take a seat. You have to begrudgingly admire someone with the chutzpah to try to pull off such a dumb and blatantly made up excuse.

I AM THE PIE is a really great thing to yell.

I was T-boned in a major intersection, by a woman who ran through the light a good 15 or so seconds after her light turned red. Her excuse? She wasn't familiar with the area. Had I not been in pain and disoriented at the time I would have thought to ask her what color the stoplights are where she lived.

"Dave, eat a Snickers. Because you get horny when you're hungry."

My husband's excuse for not putting away the dishes out of the dishwasher: "I don't know where they go."

"The only reason I don't have a hard-on is because I had a Snickers earlier today!"

Bulleted list of highlights might be best—

In my opinion, if your love life doesn't include pantsless dishwashing and day drinking, ur doing it wrong.