The Nick JonasTown Massacre

@Nick Jonas

When I was in kindergarten I wrote my first book. It was about Charlie Brown. On one page, there were two boys making fun Charlie. On the next page was little Charlie Brown, arms raised in defiance, yelling back at the boys, “YOU FAGGOTS!!!”.

When I was ten, I paid my eight-year-old sister $20 to let me sit in the front seat of the car forever. She agreed because she didn’t know I was a swindler.

me in real life.

Serial killers, obviously.

That is insane. Who doesn’t finish their pizza crust?

OMG I loved your work.

This is why I don’t go to the gym

It’s because you’re looking up definitions instead of reading the fucking situation in which a likely swarthy fellow wearing mostly white (possibly eggshell) who has been checking out your better half is asking to go somewhere and get nude.
Stop looking things up you prude nerd.

please please please let there be épée people...

I get where you are coming from, a spoiler alert would be nice. It’s just in this very specific case, the only way to guarantee going spoiler free is to stay offline.

Yeah, I’m annoyed. I don’t expect a media blackout until the events actually air, but this is the fucking Jezebel, not a news or sports site. I really didn’t expect them to broadcast the result in a headline that’s impossible to avoid hours before many if not most people have access to the broadcast.

I’ve finally hit the point where I don’t even care about watching the events, since we all get spoiled immediately on the internet. Sucks all the entertainment right out of it.

Wow, thanks for the spoiler warning, Jez.

Brooklyn, near Barclays. Please c’mon by. Pizza and beer. My wife asked what vinyl I wanted and I sent a list. Gonna be a good time!

Yeah, I would take the money and perform “Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow” as my big finale.

New phone who dis?

Agreed. It’s usually me covered in food, though.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t find those adorable.