It starts off, innocently enough, as a few troupes. Before you know it there are brigades of clowns goose stepping down the street. Before you know it, there’s a giant red shoe stomping on human face, forever.

Why do you hate our troupes?

Still true. 

The last time I cried at 3am was the first night home from the hospital with our newborn son. My stupid wife ate the rest of the cookie dough ice cream, and I got upset. Almost woke the baby.

“woof” is also the sound air makes when escaping from a football

Damn, we’re in Week 1 of the preseason and you’re already in mid-season form. Good for you!

“I don’t know enough about the rule to understand it right now and comment on it.”

Does this mean that the tickets to the gun show they gave me are useless?

Yep, I get the whole punching up, punching down thing, but, and there always is one isn’t there, a line does have to be drawn. I mean, heck, white people are soon going to be a minority in the US anyway so how about we stamp down on racism now instead of waiting a couple of years.
Let’s be fair here, you can call it…

Isn’t it called “American Soccer” over there?

Are Millennials Killing the Shredding-Passports-to-go-to-the-Woods-Industry?  Find out next.

When players treat football like a game the Mustache Petes say it’s a business and get all blowhardy about “seriousness”; When the players treat football like a business they get lectures about The Game.

I don’t think Papa John wants Idris as a spokesperson.

I didn’t want to make another pizza diarrhea joke, so I figured I’d just tell an embarrassing story.

...and you grew up to become Papa John?

I mean that would make sense, considering the other two are dead already

Let Dahmer take care of Hitler... smart

The cry laughter emoji is the ultimate “I’m not owned, you’re owned” panic move. 

I decided to Skippy to the end to see who won, but it was all over in a Jif.

Agree 100%. Do you know how many starving Chinese kids those two good dogs would feed???