I am in favor of a policy of bitch-slapping everyone who wears cargo shorts and flip-flops in a restaurant.

I can’t look at that picture and not think about the 13 fumbles he’s had last season. 

How could you overlook the use of “in a jackpot” in the Coen Brothers’ Oscar-winning “No Country For Old Men.” Llewelyn Moss has a cab driver circle a motel when he suspects something is afoot in his room. The following exchange occurs:

This season feels like a Nats fan found a monkey’s paw and wished that the team wouldn’t lose in the first round of the playoffs again.

1) Shortly after dark
2) Thinking you’ll last for twenty minutes only to finish in fifteen seconds
3) Other

24. Gruesomely losing your fingers in a fireworks accident, futilely hailing a cab to get to the ER because you have no fingers, and then getting hit by a bus. 

I find that video extremely weird and yet, deeply erotic.

Octopii are one of the most intelligent creatures on the planet and are actually required to be put under anesthesia if a procedure is needed to be done on them, because they are believed to have an understanding of what is happening to them.  If kept in captivity, they need to be in specialized tanks because they…

What sucks is that this makes total sense for Boogie. He’ll hit a market flush with more cap space and another year removed from an Achilles injury, and after he wins a championship, the loser/cancer label will be gone. I can’t even cry foul here.

Teaism. Not a specialized taco spot, really. They specialize in teas. Asian themed. Think bento boxes and Asian fusion.

I want more global warming, I enjoy long summers

Dude is probably secretly excited about being confronted publicly. Now, he can justify all of his security detail and first class travel.

End of Lebron? Look, I’m not going to say LeBron’s plan is to wrest immortality from time’s cruel grasp and play basketball at peak physical conditioning for eternity, but I’m also not going to be surprised if it happens. There is no end of LeBron.

Nah, he'll be there way more often now. 

My first thought was the logo looks like a robot handjob.

Man, Dan Gilbert is that guy who never updated from Word 97.

After what JR Smith did, I bet James spent a few hours wishing that basketball wasn’t a team sport.

Your username is ORLANDOMAagic91 but you’re also the type of person that refers to the Lakers as “We”?

But enough about Phil Jackson’s dick ...