I come to Jezebel because it is a good place for u kno what.

My dad works for the Department of Homeland Security.

Like, 13 years ago, I got arrested for "borrowing" an RV that was for sale in my neighbors yard. He had left the keys in the ignition. My pal and I (totally sober btw) decided to take it for a spin around the block. When we got back the cops were waiting for us. My neighbor didn't press charges. He actually kinda…

Not Halloween, but I was in Vancouver during the infamous Stanley Cup riot and ended up picking up some dude in the middle of it all. The next morning, taking the train home (I had started out early the previous day, so I at least had sunglasses with me) and thinking "Well, yes, I'm still wearing my team-colours blue…

Oh god

When I was in college, my roommate and I went to some Halloween party with a girl from our dorm. The next morning, she comes walking up to the common area still in her eighties-prom outfit. We asked her where she ended up staying the night...she lifts up her dress to reveal her yellow thighs and says "Bart Simpson…

That's Ilona Royce Smithkin, she is 94! She makes her own eyelashes from her actual hair.

she turned me into a newt

HOLD THE PHONE YOU GUYS.

sry i catfished you

guys if we ever meet irl please dont be upset that i am not a dinosaur

Pictured:

Gotta love what Facebook finds "related" to this story.

Thrust McHammerpole?

Better ghosts than...

I really want to thank you in person for sharing that "tuna sandwich on a bagel" video.

Yes what of it?

SENT AT 11:56PM

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