Pepperidge Farm remembers.

So much of this is terrible but my inner five-year-old is like

That is my husband's entire fucking family. They lead with how much weight they've lost, make fun of fat strangers, etc. It is so toxic.

I legitimately only found Beyonce in that picture by a process of elimination.

I have discovered the one color of men I'm not attracted to: turquoise.

#1 Literally pitches a tent. Result!

Just give me an entire movie based around Chelsea Peretti.

Damn, she's on point. And I would watch ALL of those recommendation, especially:

This is her performance from last night's gala. Go to 3:18:00 roughly. She left people in tears.

I'm not going to sit here and gush about her album, because 1. I haven't listened to the whole thing and 2. The few songs I've heard just aren't my jam, sorry, but she gets mad points from me for scrolling the names of over 1,000 missing and murdered Canadian Aboriginal women behind her during her performance. Our…

I CAN'T HEAR YOU THROUGH THE SOUND OF ME GOBBLING DOWN ALL THESE NOTHING BURGERS.

Time is a Flat Circle so I suggest they time travel back and hire Swingers-era Vince and Tigerland-era Colin. Here is my power point presentation in support of this:

Two things: I appreciate the lack of necklace. That whole chestplate area - from the tiny bit of cleavage peeking out, up to the base of the throat and the slight protrusion of the collar bones, and across the the broad expanse from strap to strap - that is nothing but sheer, milky, silken perfection. I want to lay my…

I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT DID THIS

Those shoes would look beautiful on my beautiful shoe shelf inside my beautiful closet, which houses all the beautiful shoes that I buy because they're beautiful but never wear because they hurt like fuck.

Autoplay videos make Jesus sad =/

If "bootstraps" fucked a yogurt commercial, the bastard offspring would be "Love yourself more."

"excuse me, is this the diabetes registration line? yes i'd like a form."

No thanks.