Pioneer women weren't big on germ theory. 

Last year for Christmas another passenger brought a giant stuffed bear that LITERALLY took up a seat.

No.

omg, please.  take his name off national airport!  He broke the air traffic controllers union!

This is a great idea. Cruel, partisan hacks deserve no memorial.

These parents should really be shunned by polite society, but they probably live surrounded by shitheads just like them. 

Fuck her shitty ass parents. Bill for family vacation... I hope she never pays and it fucks up your credit forever, you trifling, nasty assholes. I hope Discover calls you nightly. I hope this article gets you hate mail.

I thought of this too. The ultimate multitool!!

They are terrorists who fund themselves by dealing drugs. 

I’ve catered steer roasts, with five 750-lb steers, that were easier to clean up after than some of the Thanksgiving dinners I’ve seen. Why not just eliminate the turkey altogether?

I use food stamps. I don’t have an iPhone...but I don’t have a “fancy” smartphone ..that I bought used off of eBay. You understand it’s basically a necessity to have a smart phone in this day and age? I also have a nice name handbag I received as a Xmas gift five years ago that I have kept in impeccable condition.…

How come every article on Gawkmodo complains about how dry turkey is? Does nobody brine?

Well, you see, rats and tiny dogs actually taste quite different. Plus, rats hold up much better to braising, while you want to roast dogs.

Because turkey and chicken are two different meats, with two different tastes.

“Boy, you and your dead husband sure did fuck a lot, huh? Anyways, here’s a Presidential Medal of Freedom.”

yoooo was that a lowkey burn on the company La Quercia?  I’m not even mad I think their guanciale is too salty.

It’s only the “Most Arby’s Sandwich Ever” if it somehow takes 10-15 minutes to prepare and comes out with completely different ingredients than advertised/what I ordered.

At least, that’s the guaranteed experience at my local Arby’s.

“You liberal snowflakes have no sense of humor.”

Improve almost any dish with MSG. 

A buffet is for you to pick the food you like and eat it in the dining room, not take it away for a late night snack.