Dear Salty,

My grandmother, who never had a meal with her parents but always ate in the kitchen with the staff, was not a great cook and had never cooked a goose before. She thought it would be much like a chicken and basted it several times while it was roasting.

If you didn’t save some of the rendered fat to spread on black bread, seasoned with a little salt and fresh black pepper, you missed the best reason to roast a goose.

Y’all, keep in mind that the check was $1,000 for THREE WEEKS of pay. A nigga can’t even make over $300 a week without raising suspicion. 

Athletic trainers and wrestling coaches?

My vote is gas station chicken salad 

Imagine starting with “I was just asked to leave a funeral by a family member of a deceased football player” and thinking you were the sympathetic party in that story.

Holy shit, if you can’t trust football coaches & Catholic priests these days who can you trust?

I have a hard time believing it myself. Thankfully, as it turns out, Stone is a liar, so I don’t have to worry about anything he says being true.

(still can’t believe a grown man would willingly be called ‘Tucker’ and isn’t a breed of sport dog)

“THIS WILL OWN THE LIBS!!!!!”

I’m looking forward to seeing the Smile Direct Club customers destroying what they paid for; that should certainly be entertaining.

What I like about this story is that the non-racists ares boycotting and threatening not to buy anymore from Pacific Life, Indeed, Smile Direct Club, BowFlex and NerdWallet.

We could always remind him that this is merely the free market in action.

Oh.

“Everybody is happy.”

Curiously, she doesn’t have an Italian accent when speaking English - unless she writes her Italian in Cyrillic.

Outlaw Twitter before we are all killed by the exponentially expanding cloud of toxic fame-whoring.

People ARE animals. If you get your feathers ruffled with internet commenters comparing children to animals, you’re clearly just out looking for things to be offended by. Lighten up.

Also, should I post this four times?