This is absolutely true! If it says “cocktail party” then childless is certainly implied!

While for the most part I don’t miss the masses of etiquette that used to accompany precisely worded paper invitations to stuff, it made things clear: If your name wasn’t on the invitation, it was because you weren’t invited.
Parents named but not kids? Don’t bring them. Kids named but not parents? Drop them off and…

I mean, if you just called it a party or a dinner party, the adults only thing might be required (counterpoint: if kids were wanted they would mention that in the invite), but when you call it a cocktail party, I that implies adults only to anyone reasonable. 

Take your wife and girlfriend out for dinner. To a hibachi place. Between the knives and fire there’s a decent chance everything will sort itself out.

just give him a tip, at least 20%.  also, maybe tip the kids.

They’ve run out of even vaguely waitstaff adjacent questions and have moved onto general etiquette.

They should hire a bouncer and card people at the door.

“I mean, the whole point of this party is we’re going to just do an absolute SHITLOAD of coke; by the way, did you know you can get that shit on Prime Now? It’s unreal what they’ll deliver. Uncut Colombian, to the condo in an hour! I know Amazon is problematic with labor practices and all, but no one else can compete…

The machines caused this knowing that it would get all of the people out of the building for a while so they could plot against them.

There is nothing wrong with a good fruitcake. The problem is that when most people think of fruitcake, they think of that brick-like item you buy at the supermarket for about $5.

Hey, Kirsten, I already got the message, and I am READY to vote for Kamala Harris in 2020.

This is for the same people who buy each other Edible Underwear.

This is a MUCH more important story than celebrity tweeting. Trump is perfectly fine with blowing up our national debt, and fucking up our economy as much as he wants to— because he won’t have to deal with the fallout, he’ll let someone else clean up his mess. (As Republicans always do.)

So this is basically booze, fruit, and whale vomit.

y’know, artisanal, mixologist-crafted body shots are actually pretty good, so long as you don’t bruise the whipped cream by shaking the can. 

See. This why we don’t want Oreos replacing the finger of Fudge in the Cadbury Christmas selection.

Game of Thrones is unwatchable.

Every time I see someone wearing ear pods I have this image of my father walking around the house on Sunday morning in his bathrobe with Q-Tips soaked in baby oil sticking out of his ears.  

The sooner we all acknowledge that he has exactly zero intention to finish that series the better off we’ll all be.

A lifetime ago when GRRM released “A Feast for Crows” I went to a talk and book signing at a Borders (RIP). Someone asked about GRRM’s limited use of magic in his fantasy series. GRRM made an analogy about how he views magic in fantasy novels like anchovies on a pizza. He went into a long story about how in college he…