“Perhaps it’s Trump’s negotiating style, or maybe he’s still mad he didn’t get a military parade”

Anything before noon on 12/24 is too early. Anything after the bars close in the early AM of 12/26 is too late. You get about 40 hours. I can avoid it for that long.

Always. It is always too early for saccharine bullshit music.

Any sooner than Dec 24th is too early.

In his defense, a cinnamon raisin bagel isn’t really a bagel.

The Wall Street Journal reported on Friday that President Donald Trump was not only aware of the potentially illegal payments, he was intimately involved in nearly every step of the process.

“To make matters worse for Trump...”

Love how you added the hate crime bit in regards to Marky Mark.  Never forget!

It seems every year, airlines shrink the amount of legume I get on an airplane.

Cool story, bro.

“I think Tucker is a terrible influence on modern America but that doesn’t justify harassing him at home.”

But it’s perfectly ok for the White House to put out a blatant lie that Jim Acosta manhandled a woman because Donny poopy diapers didn’t like being asked tough questions. 

> If Carlson wants to eat dinner in peace, he should maybe just, I dunno, stop being a racist.

Stephen Colbert STAHP. Leave the civility wishy-washy holier than though shtick to Chuck Schumer. The truth is no one gives a shit about Tucker Carlson.

Get some wasabe for sinus issues. And do jumping jacks.

Well, it looks like they went to Famiglia, so their standards already aren’t that high...

“I’m dying,” Asaly says. “I’m literally actually deceased.”

If you have an inconsiderate, self-righteous birthday party on the subway and no one is around to photograph it, are you still cute and having fun?

You’ve heard of the gravy train? Well hold on to your dicks for the gravy plane...

He’s not even giving credit to his main design inspiration, Geocities.