I know. And I hate how enthusiastically I would bang him.

Oh man I loved the shit out of Aisha Tyler. Still do.

Absolutely not. I do not accept those terms.

That’s the only show I watch on E! besides Botched. This a conspiracy perpetuated by those Kardashians.

Feeling very old right now because I remember when Details was a clubby kind of magazine. I stole the issue with Julie Brown on the cover from my dentist’s office because I wanted to try to recreate her jean jacket for myself. Spoiler alert: it came out like shit and I got in trouble for wrecking my jacket.

The #1 tip of the linked article is not to add the lemon (2 drops, it says) but to rinse it beforehand.

Or he just wants to be on 1D.

Concur. Well, except that I’ve no interest in trying to like Miley Cyrus.

On a less disgusting note, I went with my S.O to visit his Nana’s grave. While giving him some distance, I walked around for a bit and came across Nancy.

My goodness. Miley sure is shaking up my square, conformist mindset. Has anyone seen my envelopes? Because I think they’ve all been pushed.

Do you like dark meat?

Uhm, Lamar was going to die the best way ever until modern medicine intervened. #todieinawhorehouse!

They showed him a picture of all the Kardashians, told him Khloe is the one that belongs to him, and now he conveniently can’t remember anything?

I’m just not a big fan of it. It’s a bit gamey, too. I wish I liked it, because I hate the fuck out of living geese. They are the bane of my existence in the summer.

We hate turkey and are having Ribsgiving.

That’s why I’m so glad we started doing the Reject’s Thanksgiving. All of the family decided to start going to a winery for a buffet that is an hour and a half away, then come home and cook a turkey for leftovers. We said “fuck that”, and now me, Cindymoo and my parents get together in our PJs, eat chicken, cheesy…

I prefer the “keys” stamped out of soup can lids. That soup can lid may just start a Chevy Malibu! Come on down and find out!

My son’s getting a large dose of vaccines this afternoon, I’ll let you know if he turns into an alien by tomorrow morning

Apart from the perks of being famous (private jets, never having to worry about paying a bill unless you're Lindsay Lohan) I bet being famous sucks. Everything you do is under a microscope, you're in constant fear that one day and it could be the next day, you're suddenly old news and nobody cares about you (Justin…