To be fair I would omit the cream cheese, make it in a shallower pan and crank the heat, but it’s hard to go wrong with cheese, potatoes and bacon.

Congratulations on submitting the first recipe in this recent Midwest Gallery of Culinary Horror that actually is food and sounds delicious. 

My Mom makes that shit for the Ladies Auxiliary at the Fire Hall. I tried to “fix’ it for her once with real whipped cream & etc and those old bitches turned their noses up at it. They want the Kool Whip and the chemical pudding.

If he wants to be Dictator so bad he has to accept him and Melamine being hung from a lamppost at some point in the future.

I wouldn’t touch either one and my Polish relatives are on notice about their criminal tomato sauce with the fucking sugar in it. Savages!

First the squash thing and now this. Is it Crimes Against Food week?

Jail is too easy. Sentence her to her original face and hair color. 

Cassoulet should be made with Tarbais beans, much creamier texture 

Yeah but I’m pushing 60. I think the Marching Powder days are over.

How about Acid instead of Thanksgiving?

Then there’s the people in real life that never change the gloves and cross contaminate like it’s their job. Looking at you Wegman’s sub counter.

Because California is too steep to rake. Am I Secretary of The Interior now?

I brought you this giant plush toy full of viruses and bacteria! Merry Christmas!

Keri, I feel like you could not make this and nobody in your family would say anything. 

If nothing else, imagine the drama. Worst flying day of the year and somebody is about to lose their shit because 13B just put their bag on top of 13 A’s pie in the overhead.

The answer to all of these is “don’t.”

The tracking number for the luggage I sent ahead a few days before my flight. 

More wisdom from President Dunning-Kruger

I’ve tried to explain this to my Mom for years. Her understanding of how a dishwasher works is stuck in the 80's.

Ding ding ding. Whatever it is they’re selling it ain’t guanciale. Proper guanciale is a rare item in the US.