“Today the US Attorney brings charges against Michael Avana.... Avanti... Avennnot gonna practice law anymore, anyway.”

To be fair, sounds like he has this part down pat:

How’s Torts going this semester?

“....three separate dildos made their way onto the playing surface during last night’s game against the Patriots.”

The only way to stop them was probably a good guy with a pizza cutter. 

“My socks are hard to put on because my hips are getting tight. My right leg is always shorter than the left so my back is always locked. Acid reflux is messing up my vocal cords. Jaw is sore some mornings. Nightmares.”

The ball is moving on the right side of Kobe’s face as he moves away.

Most significant of all, shortly after the fight Dom Cozzolino went into witness protection and changed his last name to “Consentino.”

“They ruin the dress code, well — ask Adam. Look at Eve. That’s really all you got to get to. You can go back to the beginning of time. All you need is a time machine. And for my own literal interpretation of the book of Genesis to be accurate. And then you can ask a naked man a question he won’t understand because he…

God that movie is so damn good. The cartoon was badass too.

That is just disrespectful to Troy, and I simply will not tolerate any Sun Belt hate in this comments section.

Lohud.com says Vigeant was pronounced dead at a local hospital.

Donald Trump saying that “facts don’t matter” to Democrats is hilarious, though. I can only imagine his next tweet:

Adrian Peterson told reporters, “That was a new one for me. It was different.”

The consensuses seems to be:

Clearly this guy is not upset at all and actually just thinks it’s funny.

By QB rating, Rob Johnson is also the Bills’ fourth-best starting QB of all time. 

Unfortunately you are also female so be prepared to get upset at things I say.

Are we sure he said "Mexican" and not "meth-ican"?

“It’s not my job to do that!” may have worked at Penn State, but this is the NFL, Bill.