My relative, for one. She was on food stamps when her husband was in prison, but now people who get them are cheats and freeloaders.

Vafanculo!

This is the problem with these people. They never recognize that they aren’t self-made. Zero humility.

She has the Runaway Bride eyes

DO IT! You have to give it some really exotic-sounding name though. Maubaretia fruit or something.

People who claim to know everything about healthy diet make me laugh, because I collected cookbooks. I had one from 1923 that stated “Children need pure white sugar every day to keep the flames of energy alive within them” and this one from about 1990:

Good god. I walked into Whole Foods one day and frantically began looking for the gas leak/sewage spill. Nope, it was DURIAN! There was a woman giving free samples. I had to try it, of course, despite the stench.

There’s a term for it: orthorexia.

RIGHT?!? It isn’t that hard.

I knew you were my people.

It is great. The perfect antidote to American reality TV. It gives me so many reasons to love the Brits.

Kids seem to like him ok.

This was invented by Charles Phoenix, one of the most delightful people on the planet, so I can go along with it. He also popularized the Astro Weenie Christmas Tree:

God is such a bastard, right?

“I do have a high level of commitment and integrity to the cause,”

That is so sad. I wish they would have stuck with “My condolences” or something equally trite. I guess people are trying to be helpful when they say that, but it is on my list of things to never say unless it is ironically over a beer or something.

That person sounds not terribly emotionally stable.

I was at a gathering of friends yesterday and people started telling their stories of being emotionally assaulted by Christians.

My family were the jackasses. When my sister showed up with her new BF in his Toyota Landcruiser with a Japanese flag in the back window, my dad was so mad.