IT WILL GET BETTER, I SWEAR.

Congrats. Many happy healthy fun years!

Besides, Alaska is too fucking cold and too far away for anyone to bother coming up to get you.

I am going to put “Shit-stirring is my bread and butter” on my next business cards.

THANK YOU. I have been sitting in my tower counting my gold coins, resting on a cushion stuffed with the hair of the oppressed, wondering when someone would finally think about ME.

Would still bang. (Hangs head in shame).

Dang, I’m just a few short miles away. I’d like to come take you out on the town, but 1) I don’t really go out on the town and 2) There is no nightlife in Simi Valley area unless you want to go to Judge Roy Bean’s sports bar, which is a place that really exists.

Anyone who has been a reporter at a small local newspaper can tell you that every council meeting has one of these people.

Meanwhile, white children can try to build a fucking nuclear reactor, their parents can toss radioactive waste in the trash, and their house can become a Superfund site...without any apparent jail time.

Dude, we learned that from Sarah Palin. We don’t need a repeat performance.

Except some people can’t take it or leave it. They live in an area with only one hospital and need care before they travel six hours or something. They have no choice. And often evil organizations do some good. That’s how they stay in business.

WINNER.

Shady, but not shade. If he had said something like “I’m sure there will be a variety of viewpoints on different topics, but I promised Sacha I would help her with her spelling words,” that would be shade.

I’m also terrified I’ll be brain dead and hooked up to a machine and some priest won’t want to let me die. They call that “pro-life” as well.

This is why it is so dangerous to have so many Catholic hospitals. In some areas, all of the hospitals are Catholic. I don’t want this kind of faux pro-life fuckery in my medical care, either around birth or end-of-life issues.

It’s really like the airlines are seeing just how far they can push us...and some people crack easier than others.

I feel like there’s a real missed opportunity here.

I’m sorry, because the Hungarians I have met here seem like lovely people. I hope things get better for your country.

Well, on the bright side, most states don’t make rape victims marry their rapists anymore!

I do NOT regularly crap my pants. Depending on your definition of “regularly.”