I do not want to watch Paula Deen’s racist bitch pants-crapping ass in anything. Programmers, you hear me?

Awesome!

And my sister had a neighbor come over and say “The food at your house is so...colorful.” As if that weren’t a good thing.

OMG!PONIES! got wet shits in the pants! OMG!PONIES! got wet shits in the pants! OMG!PONIES! got wet shits in the pants! Neener neener.

Did you have to bring wet shits into this pants discussion?

I’m with God on this one. As someone with super short legs, having guys try to make their legs look shorter by wearing their pants around their thighs is super offensive to me. APPRECIATE YOUR INSEAM, GUYS!

NOT SHADE.

I was organizing a small event and we were discussing where to have it. We needed a room that seated about 20. “There’s that Chinese restaurant over on Main St.” I said. “Oh,” said one of the older ladies. “I don’t think anyone is going to want ethnic food.”

They didn’t say “Hey, you’re a moron for caring about your dress,” they said THEY did not personally care about wedding dresses and then talked about their experiences. It’s a comments section. There’s no limit on the amount of pixels used here. Step off.

The John Cusack character reminds me of myself a little too much!

People go to the RED LOBSTER there. What the hell is wrong with people?

If we survive, we’re going to look back on this time as being barbaric. Our level of mental health care availability is on par with excellent practices like bleeding and mercury tinctures.

It’s a good thing she’s not black because they would have jumped on her, tased her and put her in a chokehold by now.

Check this lady out. Her whole property is insanely artistic. I stayed there on airbnb. The inside of the house is even cooler than the garden.

I will be right over.

Twitter is my fount of news links. Whenever anything interesting is happening, my people link to it.

This fucking weather PLUS constant hot flashes. It has been really disgusting. Yesterday I had a stern talk with myself about what a bitch I was being about all of this, but it has been utterly, completely fucked. I got out the portable AC unit, but it is as loud as a garbage truck.

“I’m not a heartless, child-kicking racist.”

The most sacrilegious I have ever been was dressing as a bad nun for a Mardi Gras parade themed “Saints and Sinners.” I wore the full habit with the skirt hiked up to reveal fishnets. My partner was a priest with a whip, who would flog me a bit as we went down the parade route.