Always look on the bright side of life.

My church isn’t so much religious. No dogma required. We talk about all kinds of ideas and books. We seem to be doing ok.

Not true. My church is welcoming. We had ourselves a big ol’ happy tears fest on Sunday about the Supreme Court decision. Come, ye freaks and deviants. We don’t care what you do with your private parts.

My church is such a big part of my life. Being there is as comfortable as home for me. I can’t imagine how violated I would feel if I found out someone had set fire to it.

Caitlyn Moran describes weddings as a “viper’s pit of waste and despair.” I tend to agree.

Science makes my brain feel like...

One of the first things I learned in my first journalism class is that you shouldn’t be repetitive. The quote in the block obviates the need to reintroduce it later, dumdum.

They were overwhelmingly men, more than half of them white.

You know how your cat want to go out, but 2 minutes later they want in? And then they want out right away again?

What, do you think I’m from Texas or something?

Yeah, it sounds like a bad Britney song overproduced by a kid...

It’s a struggle jacket.

The best manager I ever had was not in food service, but in a customer service job nevertheless. When a customer was a real jerk - and it only happened twice in the four years I was there - he said “I’m sorry, you’re going to have to stop abusing my employee and leave. You don’t seem to be someone we are going to be…

I am going to be that grandma. Except I won’t have any grandkids.

I was going to say the same thing. Ask a bunch of Mexicans who has the best coctel de camaron, and you’ll soon find yourself enjoying the biggest bunch of shrimp you have ever laid eyes on.

I visited a friend who worked at an assisted living, and ended up having lunch with her, which meant we shared a table with two residents. When the dessert trolley came around, the first resident ordered “Jello. Red. With Ranch.” I looked at my friend, wide-eyed, not sure what I had just heard. Then the other resident…

He could totally read my poker face.

1. Poo-flinging. Literal, not figurative.

You can have 500 people love you and be bullied by 10 people and it’s still traumatic.