Funny thing about being a martyr: you have to die first.

I ate too little, drank too much, let slip to my gf’s neice’s bf and gf’s cousin about making out with a cis guy, once on a dare, nearly 15 years ago in order to hook up with his friend, a cis girl. I could give 2 shits at this point but gf got extremely embarrassed and we later got into an argument about it could be…

I wouldn’t be so harsh on Mr. Duck. Is a roller derby referee a viable career choice for your unit? 

Sounds like excuses for vanilla ass pop stars who are all image and no substance. 

Still at work til 7pm PST and have been since 10:30am. Hospitality: where every rich fuck comes to belittle poor PoC. Missed most, if not all, festivities at my mother’s (too many goddamn kid cousins) and GF’s. I’m off tomorrow and Saturday so I’m ready to crack a beer, vape mad bowls and sleep in until I get hungry…

“Jazz is the last refuge of the untalented. Jazz musicians enjoy themselves more than anyone listening to them does.” -Tony Wilson, 24 Hour Party People 

Okay. So if you’re going to make a shot-for-shot remake of the ICONIC opening scene DON’T CHANGE THE GOOEY FRUIT INTO A FUCKING ROOT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

JFC I wish Jez’s writers took the day off today. I’m stuck in the office trying to stay awake and THIS is the best you’ve got.

You’re going to die comfortably with a dick in your ass while you clutch your MAGA hat in your hands, weeping softly. 

According to his lawyer, the gangster angle was just a gimmick. He’ll be turned into a pair of skin vests by the end of the first week in prison. 

Team No One. They’re both corny as fuck. 

This son of a bitch deserves a firing squad, broadcast on live television. I don’t even want to see him suffer in jail anymore. Swift, brutal punishment is the only fair resolution. 

Rivers is becoming Gene Simmons. Please stop, Rivers. 

My advice: Grow up. 

Make Rivers Cuomo Hate the Internet Again

A total Monet.

Nothing says “oh yeah, these things still exist” quite like Jack White and Cards Against Humanity.

True but a celebrity turning to social media to grieve publicly is giving the public permission to do so.

A manufactured kid star who became a manufactured pop star has no personality? STOP THE PRESSES

Why does that jacket have a nutsack?