If Domald Loch Ness Tromp knows who Charles Babbage is, I'll eat my unsalted shoe.

Is it "melt"? Sidenote: they had a butter John Stamos at Riot Fest a couple of years ago. That was aces. I stared at it for a while.

Sooooo greasy.

DO AS I SAY

I know. It's the little things. I just hope my liver doesn't give out. (Or maybe I do. I don't know anymore.)

This is fucking great. Turnip's inauguration is going to rival the Nebraska State Fair for caliber of talent. (No offense to Nebraska intended.)

Yes. Everything.

I got the worst Christmas gift ever from my sister. She gave me a Grow Your Own Loofah kit. It was a clay pot, a bag of earth and five seeds. I think the clay pot hit her hardest.

I was thinking last night that this election has, in a way, made me more conservative. Because I'm with you: I legitimately don't care about those people and their pain. I don't want them to die, but I don't care if they do. Fuck 'em. Do some fucking research next time.

Yeah, I really like that. Especially since why not? This is a situation that will never replicate itself, and it deserves to be permanently acknowledged.

I'll miss her.

Good Christ. They're not even trying, are they? I mean, there is no fucking way these questions were legitimate candidates for the show. That Fonzie one is just insulting.

I cringed at those two slips. Who knows if they would have made a difference, but still. I'm going to try not to sneer at Big Beardy Guy tomorrow night.

"Thirteen hundred channels and twenty-four streaming services and a whole lot of shit on…"

It's bonkers. I only started watching TV again, after a hiatus of - Jesus, probably seven or eight years - in 2008, and since then it's sort of been reminding me of the development and de-evolution of the Internet - first it was this amazing new landscape to explore and be just blown down by, and now it's like "Jesus…

Find booze. Consume booze. Repeat. And good luck.

Wow, somebody else has heard of them? I was beginning to think I dreamed them. I do remember them seeming pretty cheapjack; I was too young at the time to yet know to assemble my travel pack (bottled water, a snack or two, gum) beforehand, and all I really remember was that it was a nonstop SEA-NYC flight and I got not…

Somehow I missed that part. That… doesn't strike me as wise.

Sounds like much ado about nothing. Imagine if they weren't diligent and some Charlie CPR comes over to play hero and causes things to get worse? They'd be sued out of business before they got everyone off the plane.

Oh, shit, were you there?