Bort, are you just looking at things in the room and saying that you like them?

“Everything here starts off terrible, then gets blander as time goes on”

Perhaps here at The Onion, we could help Union.  Some sort of Onion-Union alliance.

Some of us tried to get our kids into it, but “Hey kids, who wants to sit through an hour and a half of references 5-30 years before your time” just doesn’t work as well as you would hope.  The theme song worked ok, though

life is unfaaaaaaair

Ich habe gerade einen DNA-Test gemacht. es stellt sich heraus, dass ich zu 100 Prozent diese Schlampe bin

Oh sure, this is fine, but when I start screaming at pandas to fuck like their lives depend on it, I get thrown out of chain Asian-food restaurants. Such a double standard

He’ll start renting out pizza places to open after hours, wandering around deserted salad buffet lines all by himself.  Then he’ll start getting into a weird Hawaiian phase, where he’ll shotgun all the Canadian bacon and pineapple he can get his hand on.  Lastly, he’ll die with his head in a pizza oven that he has set…

It was a long time ago.  Things were different then. Why, you could meme a spaghetti cat for years, and the masses were entertained

So, you prefer your Brie soft, not shredded? Sorry, I’m aware that was cheesy

Seems like someone’s trying to do a contrition tour after the attempted murder of Amanda Bynes’ vagina

Damn, did we skip over 90’s nostalgia already? I don’t recall any live-action Animaniacs movies or gritty reboots of Blossom

It’s not her fault, her father has poor taste in music, and passed it down

Counterpoint: the only good thing he personally created was Rashida.

“Waaaaaaaaaay ahead of you”

Giant Conglomerate Beats Beloved Property Until It Dies

I’m getting too old for this Sith

Couldn’t have mentioned anything about Never Let Me Down, though?

Lil’ Sebastian is in the Bad Place. He was actually fully capable of controlling when and where he relieved himself, but intentionally did this in front of thousands of people, including children, because it got him off

Tits & dragons < tits & lasers