When I heard there were going to be jets and sharks in the new Indy movie, this was not what I had in mind

Have we considered that the reason Trump wants his attention so bad is because Trump is actually Becky with the good hair?

It’s quite simple once you wake up, sheeple! 1649 was the year of the Rump Parliament in England. What do English people like? Tea. Put a T in front of Rump, and you get Trump. What party has always supported Trump? The Tea Party. What sound does Sean’s last name end with? Tea. Also, the law can deal with shipping…

“Waaaaaaaaay ahead of you”

So Rian Johnson is his own grandfather? No wonder they have difficulty establishing parentage

None of these are all that crazy. Now, if they’d determined the mom and dad were Selma Blair and Nicolas Cage from Mom And Dad, now THAT would have been crazy

I used to be a summer camp counselor, and this was often the only way the (fairly strict) higher-ups would allow the kids to hear anything even remotely contemporary. Until they heard the lyrics and banned the Kidz Bop anyway. But the kids would still sing along to the radio on the bus for field trips. You have not…

His cousin Marvin? Marvin Banner? He just found a great new clothing trend: purple pants

Better than feeling angry. How would we like you if you were angry?

She was in the Colonel Angus sketch. Does that count?

The Hulk wasn’t enough?

Fairly certain that you can see a lady have sex with a sea monster many places online for free. Or, if you’re Melania Trump, on an never ending loop in the back of your mind

Field Of Dreams 2: Beware Of Bat Day

All those cameras make him noi-vous

I never understood setting your city on fire after a win. Most sports fans I know are pretty superstitious. Why would you burn down all the luck that got your city the win in the first place? You don’t know if that Chrysler LeBaron you flipped and immolated was the key to future championships

Alex Jones gets friended by Yahweh, and boy is he ever angry about it! Tune in this fall, Thursdays at 8 for: Mad About Jews

Things this character says in disguise as a funk guitarist? Things that were the only sounds I could get an old Casio keyboard to make? Things Fozzie Bear The Pimp would say?

Turns out God just wants to show pictures of his kid, and make it seem like his kid is soooooo much better than any of his friends’ kids.

“CIA agent who transforms into whomever she needs to be to get the job done, especially when it’s down to the wire and the stakes are life and death.”

Wow, looks like Imus is taking Ursula K. LeGuin’s death pretty hard