My best friend had organised to meet a dude she'd met on MySpace. She was well nervous and asked me to chaperone in case he was a murderer. My boyfriend was on call to provide a bail out excuse if needed.

You Don't Understand My Hair.

I had a friend bail on a big day trip I was excited about because she had a pregnancy scare, having missed a period.

I am more than fine with wearing a condom, and in fact almost always insist on it. (I think my count is so high I could get a tree pregnant.)

this is one I actually used. I was five years old, playing with my cousins at my Babcia's house. She was making dinner and was a terrible cook. When she called us in for dinner, I told her I couldn't eat because I was sick. She asked what was wrong, and I told her it was prostate cancer.

Pretty much any combinations of words coming out of the talking hole of a guy trying to get me to fuck him without a condom.

When I was in eleventh grade, my depression was getting out of control. I was actually about two months away from a suicide attempt, but obviously didn't know that yet. I was taking chemistry with an evil teacher who clearly hated students and was just waiting for full pension. He was a bully to his students and I…

I bleed each month to help make humankind a possibility. my womb is home to the divine.

WHAT HOW DID YOU GET TO DO THIS I AM JELLY

This is my life goal.

The one caveat is that this step machine will be stored primarily in Kate Dries' bedroom.

#badass

jfc I'd swipe right.

...but it's not a foreign throne. It's a prop. That would be like saying the Titles and Nobilities Clause of the US Constitution prohibits Obama from being recognized as, say, an honorary Starfleet Captain.

watching Jimmy Fallon is like watching an 8-year-old at his own birthday party.

I told my editor this week that I was slowly being driven insane by bridal stock photos. This was the one that pushed me over the edge.

It rhymes with pain. So fitting :D

We've got a hardcore juggalette right here.

Did it once with my shower cap on. Dick was not gonna fuck up my flat-ironed hair.

I broke my hand in December having shower sex. I kept going, but damn do I wish I'd had this guide a mere 4 months ago.