My mom said I looked like a prostitute because I wore heavy black eyeliner. It was the 90s and I was a teenager. Hell yeah I was wearing too much black eyeliner. She didn’t seem to have a problem with me bleaching my hair and dying my bangs crazy colors, but apparently the eyeliner was TOO FAR.

Tried to make out with your HUSBAND? My eyes bulged out of my head like one of those squeezy alien dolls.

Omg counting the cookies. My mom kept anything chocolate locked in a cabinet in the garage. I grew up thinking this was normal.

OH SNAP.

As a teenager, I was minding my own business sitting on the couch reading a book. My mom comes up and out of nowhere, pats my stomach and says “What’s this, Buddha?”

I was a bridesmaid for a good friend of mine, who bought herself a lovely and simple dress from J Crew. They had a version with a shorter skirt as well, so she asked us bridesmaids to purchase that. It was a silky dress with a v-neck front, and straps that crossed in the back.

I made up my own questionable superstition long ago that it was bad luck to purchase your own KitchenAid mixer or be given one unless it was from a registry. I would use a hand-cranking mixer or just whip by hand.

Watch out! Man colds are far more serious than woman colds.

I was *this* close to putting one on our wedding registry. It’s a practical thing we’d totally use, way better than new soup bowls or something, right? My husband insisted we remove it. =(

The video is amazing.

I used to work at a school that only had the 25th and 1st as paid holidays. You had to get your vacation requests in early if you had travel plans for the holiday. New teachers didn’t know this.

When I was a teen I went on a Grand European Vacation with my family. For 3 weeks. Which is at least two weeks too long for any family vacation. Possibly 18 days too long.

I lived in Ireland for a while, right outside of Cork’s city center. I moved in with some friends in some new apartment/townhouses that had been built on the corner of a block, where previously there had just been a few larger homes. And whoever owned the property had numbered them starting at #1, paying no mind to…

No lie, I just bought the #elfie sweater.

Their whole lives are their honeymoon!

Every part of it is ridiculous. How much energy do you think it takes to be THAT unique and twee in every single facet of your life?

Nothing will make me flip more tables than this little article:

My mom had a mimosa-like cocktail at a brunch place once but deemed the juice not sweet enough (it was fresh-pressed, so yeah no added sweeteners). She asked for some sugar and from the usual dish of sweetener packets selected the Splenda of all things to stir into there, where it immediately sank to the bottom and…

Nah, she seemed much nicer than Starbucks lady.

Isn’t there an appetizer out there that is mini sausages in grape jelly? Maybe this is all just variations on a theme...