I must stop cutting onions at my desk...

A coworker tried to justify the harassment this morning in a meeting by saying that she “shouldn’t have responded to people criticizing Ghostbusters starring women.” I was literally unable to respond because of the backup of rage and cursing that would have spewed from my mouth had I opened it.

I worked with him for a time and part of the attraction was accent, part of it was his British callousness and use of the word “cunt” casually (as in, he once signed an email “Cuntily Yours”), his straight up attractiveness (he is pretty hot for an older dude in real life), and the teenager in me going OMG I LOVE YOU…

The Brits lucked out with “shagging”. Doesn’t sound too graphic or cutesy. However, if you say it as an American you sound like a poseur so I’ve given up. Thank god I’m married.

I was trying to promote a movie I worked on and it had a snapchat filter as part of its marketing and it took 4, count em, 4 college-age interns to help me succeed at the endeavor. I felt so pathetic and old.

The very last time I swam the 200 free competitively I puked immediately afterwards (luckily in a trash can, not in the pool...also had luckily won so looked slightly less terrible overal). That race is so difficult for so many reasons and just ruins you. I have no idea how she looks so calm and cool and happy…

I would watch the everloving shit out of that debate.

Because none of the people she’s schilling for believe in those things.

A friend of mine is part of an organization that assigns “scribes” to hospitals, who basically take dictation of what the doctor is doing and keeps everything legible and organized, while at the same time getting all of the notes, etc. in the same format to create more organized and sensible databases. The results are…

I just finished the episode and had finally stopped crying and now I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying all over again.

OMG I always thought it was “She’s just so...blegh!” Like, for the last two decades as I’ve sung along to this song. The world has changed for me.

I was at the festival (in fact, I was the reason the author attended), and I can attest that this was the most common thing I saw. They would jump up on some guy’s shoulders, take selfies, snapchat videos of themselves spinning around, and then check them before posting for the world to see. None of the…

I’m having a photobooth at my wedding (because I like using them as a guest book—they print out the photos and then people put them in the book and write whatever) but I LOATHE props. Props have been BANNED from my photobooth (for some reason I care more about this than like 95% of the other inane details that I have…

My cactus died two weeks ago after I’d had it for around a month. No judgment.

The one thing to consistently keep in mind is that since he was charted with murder, the final decision as to whether or not to parole him goes to the governor. And governors are notoriously reluctant to parole murderers after the Willie Horton scandal derailed Dukakis’ presidential run in the 80's. So, there’s a…

The bus is the best form of public transportation in SF, and how just about everyone I know there gets around, because parking is a disaster. Doesn’t exactly paint him as “struggling”.

I don’t agree. When I was young and idiotic and in relationships that I probably wasn’t ready for emotionally, I wasn’t faithful 100% of the time. Once I grew up a bit and understood where that was coming from, I got together with my now-fiance and have never even considered straying. It’s not that I changed…

Our vet is named Dr. Graulich (pronounced Growl-lick). Sometimes your name just defines your calling, apparently.

Tom Cruise has the same effect. He once had a meeting at my office and came and said hi to everyone and it was like a freaking beam of light had entered our midst. Thetans, man.

We always cook on V-Day, and our strategy is to cook something that takes forever in the oven and bang while it’s cooking. Prep work, bonezone, eat. It’s a good routine.