Lol. 

“I love the fact your always working if we ever had sex I feel like after an orgazzum you say speaking of feeling good did see the story on the puppy rescue we should do a segment on it hand me my phone.”

Britt McHenry is a piece of shit.

I’ve never seen anything blown up so fast in Oklahoma City.
-Mayor David Holt

I mean, maybe it would help if they come up a few inches short of a winning TD again.

i hope he survives, and if he does it would be an excellent opporunity for him to partner up with the league for a series of PSAs called “Let’s Stomp Out Kidney Disease Directly On The Head”

This guy probably doesn’t deserve too much pity (being a huge asshole doesn’t mean he deserves to die though).

That’s a big ass emoji. 

Also, I’m filing a workplace report against you for threatening to pun...

I went to a twitter feud the other night, and a hockey app broke out.

making public these public documents would “place the county and its taxpayers at a competitive disadvantage.” 

The crowd really went cuckoo for Coco Gauff.

I made the mistake of going to the comments under a tweet about her White House visit comments. It was predictably bad, but I did discover a good term for all the flag-humpers and anthem worshipers...

hiring this guy as bullpen coach was a mistake

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAlonelyHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Look, New York is the Mecca of basketball.”

Or the Madlib theory when they [verb] a bunch of [plural noun] all [preposition] a [place.]

It’s “Ex-Rays”.

Christian Walker should stick to narrating those “Footprints in the Sand” posters

I realize you got a Crocodile in Spelling, but it’s “whose.”