MARK, DID YOU USE "FLATULENT" TO INDICATE THAT CRITICS ARE FARTING OUT THEIR OPINIONS? TO ME, THE WORD CHOICE COMES ACROSS AS KIND OF ARBITRARY.

THAT'S A THOUGHTFUL, NUANCED COMMENT. I DO THINK IT'S STRANGE, THOUGH, THAT THESE SPAM-BOT COME-ONS, WHICH ARE CLEARLY GEARED TOWARD A U.S. AUDIENCE, SO FREQUENTLY MAKE REFERENCE TO CARS THAT AREN'T AVAILABLE ON THE U.S. MARKET. HOW HARD COULD IT BE TO REPLACE "ALFA ROMEO" WITH "FORD FOCUS"?

NOTED. CORRECTED. THANK YOU.

FUCK, NO, TOM_SCAVO. IF I MEANT ITALY, I WOULD HAVE SAID BERLUSCONIVILLE.

HERE'S MY QUESTION - WHY DON'T YOU $89 PER HOUR MOTHERFUCKERS EVER BUY A FUCKING AMERICAN CAR? WHY ARE YOU SENDING YOUR IMAGINARY INTERNET CASH TO FUCKING ALFA ROMEO LAND?

M-K AND A HAVE TOO MUCH FUCKING INTEGRITY TO PULL THAT LAME-ASS WAITING FOR GODOT SHIT OUT OF THEIR ASSES. WAITING FOR GODOT IS THE KIMMY FUCKING GIBBLER OF BECKETT'S OEUVRE.

MARY KATE AND ASHLEY HAVE A LONG-TERM COMMITMENT TO STAR IN AN OFF BROADWAY PRODUCTION OF BECKETT'S "ENDGAME." I PREDICT IT WILL BE A HAUNTING EXPLORATION OF THE FUTILITY/NOBILITY OF HUMAN EXISTENCE, WITH TOUCHING MOMENTS OF EVANESCENT BEAUTY, CONCLUDING WITH A BRILLIANT UPDATE IN WHICH THE CHARACTERS REPEAT "YOU GOT…

"I'M OVER UNDERWORLD."

WHAT STANDS OUT MOST ABOUT THE SERIES ISN'T KATE BECKINSALE IN A LEATHER JUMPSUIT - IT'S THE ENDLESS EXPOSITION.

PLEASE LET THIS BE ABOUT A NEUROTIC BUT STILL SEXY OLDER JEWISH GENTLEMAN WHO ATTEMPTS TO SEDUCE SIX YOUNGER WOMEN AFTER HE FINDS OUT THAT HIS LONG-TIME GIRLFRIEND (PLAYED BY MILEY CYRUS) IS DEMANDING, NO LONGER QUITE IN THE FIRST BLOOM OF YOUTH, AND INSUFFICIENTLY WORSHIPFUL OF HIS GENIUS.

UNDERWORLD 5: VAMPIRES WITHOUT GUNS ARE PUSSIES

YOU KNOW WHAT THIS SEASON NEEDS MORE OF? ZOOEY DESCHANEL. THAT WOULD CURE THAT DEFICIENCY IN ADORKABLENESS RIGHT UP!

SHIT, MOTHERFUCKER, TAKE A LOOK AT THOSE COLD BLUE EYES. THAT BOY WAS BORN TO PLAY ICEMAN, NOT OUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD SPIDER-MAN.

A WHITE SPIDER-MAN? THAT'S A PRETTY BOLD CHOICE.

I HAVEN'T WATCHED A SIMPSONS EPISODE SINCE 1999.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK MORE CLOSELY AT THAT PHOTO OF HER DEVOURING THAT GIANT ORGAN. IT'S OFFAL SEXY!

THE AV CLUB:

WAY TOO MUCH CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND LOVE THERE, ERIK ADAMS. ONLY THE PRETZEL PHOTO SEEMS ANYTHING CLOSE TO ESSENTIAL.

THE SCIENTIFICKIST!!

SOUNDS TO ME LIKE EVERYBODY ASSOCIATED WITH THIS PRODUCTION, INCLUDING THIS REVIEWER, DESPERATELY NEEDS A GOOD PUNCH IN THE BALLS.