VANDERWERFF IS HAPPY AT THAT FARM UPSTATE. EVEN IF WE COULD BRING HIM BACK, HE WOULDN'T WANT TO BE HERE.

SO DO THESE BASIC JOBS INVOLVE MAILING THINGS IN SEALED AIRLESS POLYTHENE BAGS INSIDE VACUUM PACKED BOXES? BECAUSE I THINK I HAVE AN APTITUDE FOR THAT.

WE LOVE DRUGS! WE LOVE DRUGS!

SHIT. WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?

ARE THERE ANY OTHER TAKES IN REVIEWS FOR BANDS' SOPHOMORE OUTINGS?

YEAH, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE LIKE THAT, GETTING SO OBSESSED ABOUT A TIME IN THEIR LIVES WHEN PEOPLE LITERALLY SPIT IN THEIR FACES AND OTHERWISE PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED THEM FOR NOT HAVING THE RIGHT FRIENDS OR LIKING THE RIGHT KIND OF MUSIC OR SOME OTHER MOTHERFUCKING SHIT?

I PREFER TO THINK THAT EVERYONE WHO REVIEWS SHIT HERE SHARES SOME KIND OF INCESTUOUS HIVE MIND.

THIS SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT OFFER, MOTHERFUCKER, BUT I'M GOING TO GO WITH THE SPAMBOT WHO PROMISES THAT I CAN TELL MY EMPLOYER TO TAKE A FLYING FUCK AT A ROLLING DOUGHNUT.

THESE SPAMBOTS ARE GETTING MORE AND MORE FUCKING ELABORATE.

IF YOU DO IT ON FATHER TIM, HE'LL MAKE YOU HEAD ALTAR BOY.

WHY ARE YOU DESCRIBING EVERY EROTIC DREAM I'VE EVER HAD? ARE YOU INSIDE MY HEAD?!?!

I KNOW, RIGHT? WHICH SHOULD I BELIEVE, A MARKETING CAMPAIGN DESIGNED TO APPEAL TO THE LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR, OR SOMEBODY WHO ACTUALLY HAS SEEN THE FILM?

A ONE-PERSON COW COSTUME IS AN ABOMINATION!

AND THE AWARD FOR THE USE OF "TRIPE" IN CONSECUTIVE SENTENCES GOES TO . . .

I'M GOING TO GUESS HE WAS OVERCOME BY THE GLORY OF THAT MAGNIFICENT BRAID.

I'M GOING TO SEE THE WHOLE "PROTEST AGAINST RACIST COPS" STORYLINE AS A SUBTLE REFERENCE TO FURGUSON. I MEAN, WHY THE FUCK NOT?

MAYBE AFTER I WATCH SEASON TWO OF HANNIBAL.

I KNOW, BUT FUCK THAT. I'LL GET AROUND TO IT EVENTUALLY.

APPEARANCE SHAMING, DORIAN GRAY? I MEAN, I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED, GIVEN THE NAME AND ALL, BUT REALLY?

I NEVER WATCHED BREAKING BAD, BUT WATCHING THIS SHOW HAS PERSUADED ME THAT I SHOULD RECTIFY THAT.