CORYINTHEHOUSE, MEET GENDUN. GENDUN, CORYINTHEHOUSE. I THINK YOU FELLAS ARE GONNA LIKE EACH OTHER.

SO I READ THIS ARTICLE ON DEADLINE AND NOW I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE SHORT, MIDDLINGLY-FUNNY WHITE COMEDIAN WHO'S HAVING A CAREER SLUMP BECAUSE THEY CAST KEVIN HART IN THIS MOVIE.

A MACHINE THAT GIVES IRIS A PERSONALITY TRANSPLANT?

YOU'RE FUN! LET'S BE FRIENDS!!

THANKS FOR THE TIPS. BUT UNTIL HOMOPHOBES STOP WRITING IN LOWER CASE LETTERS, IT'S ALL CAPS FOR ME!!

MAYBE. IT'S NOT A SEXUAL THING. HONESTLY.

WHEN I WRITE SOMETHING IN ALL CAPS IT MEANS I LIKE YOU IN THAT SPECIAL WAY.

I'M SHOCKED. PIMPING FOR PLAYTEX? WHEN DID YOU CLIMB INTO THE POCKET OF BIG LINGERIE?

ALSO, YOU SHOULD NEVER PUT A BRA IN THE DRYER. IN MY HOUSE, ANYBODY WHO DOES THAT IS GOING TO GET WATERBOARDED.

ANYBODY ELSE FEEL WEIRD THAT O'NEAL COMMENTED ON THE PO-FACED GIRL WHEN EVERY OTHER MEMBER OF THE BAND COULD HARDLY BE DESCRIBED AS ANYTHING OTHER THAN "PO-FACED"?

FUCKING HIPSTERS.

IT'S A SHAME THAT NEW ORDER LEFT THIS BAND

CONSTANCE GARNETT OR RICHARD PEVEAR/LARISSA VOLOKHONSKY TRANSLATION, MOTHERFUCKER?

THINGS I LEARNED FROM THIS REVIEW:

TOO MANY COOKS . . .

SO THEY HUNG A LAMPSHADE ON FURGUSON. FAREWELL, OLD FRIEND. IF IT WEREN'T FOR FUCKING RACIST COPS, YOU'D STILL BE AMUSING US WITH YOUR KITTY SUICIDE PLANS.

MOTHERFUCKER, JUST BECAUSE I'M WRITING IN ALL CAPS DOESN'T MEAN I'M LOUD, MOTHERFUCKER. THIS IS THE WAY I WHISPER.

DESPITE THE COMPELLING PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE, I CONTINUE TO BE AGNOSTIC REGARDING FEMALE EJACULATION.

THIS IS AS GOOD A PLACE AS ANY FOR ME TO QUOTE THE SENTENCE FROM THE ANTHONY LANE REVIEW OF "50 SHADES OF GRAY" THAT I'VE TRYING TO FIND A SPOT FOR ALL DAY:

THE AV CLUB
WE REALLY DON'T HAVE ENOUGH HANDS TO MAKE THE APPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF JACK OFF MOTIONS . . .