SO FUCKING TIRED OF MYSTERIOUS WHITE HORSES TRYING TO BECOME MY MOTHERFUCKING GUARDIAN ANGELS. FUCK OFF, YOU EQUINE COCKSUCKERS!

SWIMS BOTH WAYS?

I ATE YOUR MOTHER, BABY. IT WAS AN AMUSING NOVELTY, BUT ULTIMATELY UNDERWHELMING.

THE SCHMIDT/CECE RELATIONSHIP IS ON THE BACK BURNER RIGHT NOW. BUT IT, LIKE TRUE AMERICAN AND CRAZY EXES AND CHARACTERS PRETENDING TO HAVE NAMES LIKE FRANK SKABOPOLIS AND (I'M NOT SURE THIS IS TRUE BUT WHAT THE FUCK) THE CAT NAMED FURGUSON, WILL RETURN.

AND THIS IS WHY I ALWAYS REMEMBER TO READ THE REVIEW, EVEN THOUGH I NEVER REMEMBER TO THE SHOW. BECAUSE TODD'S EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWNS ARE THE BEST. KEEP IT UP, TODD. YOU'RE MY HERO. AND MY OBJECT OF PITY. BUT NOBODY'S PERFECT.

CONGRATULATIONS, MOTHERFUCKER. SEVEN MORE EPISODES AND IT'S BACK TO YOUR EMOTIONALLY STUNTED EXISTENCE.

THIS EPISODE WAS ALL CALLBACKS AND EMOTIONAL EPIPHANIES. I THINK THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT SOME VIEWERS WANT, BUT I KIND OF PREFER THE SLAPSGIVING EPISODES.

I LIKED THE EPISODE, BUT IT STRUCK ME THAT IT ENDED UP REINFORCING THE STEREOTYPE THAT MEN ARE ACTIVE AND WOMEN ARE PASSIVE. TED SPENDS YEARS LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY HE CAN END UP WITH; THE MOTHER LOSES THE LOVE OF HER LIFE AND BASICALLY SHUTS DOWN WITH REGARD TO RELATIONSHIPS UNTIL TED COMES AROUND. TED IS HER REWARD…

EVERYONE KNOWS TODD IS A MONSTER.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE CONCEPT EPISODES OF SEASON FOUR AND THOSE OF SEASON FIVE IS THAT SEASON FOUR STRIKES ME AS COMING FROM A "LET'S DO SOME WEIRD FUCKING COMMUNITY SHIT BECAUSE THAT'S OUR UNDERSTANDING OF COMMUNITY AND ALL THAT PAINTBALL COOL SHIT," WHEREAS THIS EPISODE IN PARTICULAR SEEMS TO COME OUT OF A…

HEAVENS TO BETSY. HOW SHALL I ENDURE THIS WITTY RIPOSTE FROM MY ESTEEMED AND AUGUST COLLEAGUE, THE SENATOR FROM MOTHERFUCKERY? I RETREAT FROM THE FIELD, BLOODY, BOWED, FEELING LIKE AN UXORIOUS PIGFUCKER.

CECE'S REALIZATION SHE'S OUT OF DATE FOR A MODEL IS CONSISTENT WITH HER SEASON TWO BIOLOGICAL CLOCK ARC, IN MY HUMBLE OPINION. AND I'M HOPING THAT WINSTON'S COP STORY IS JUST BEGINNING, RATHER THAN PROVING TO BE A CULMINATION OF SOMETHING EARLIER.

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WHISPERING?

I APPRECIATED THE CALLBACKS TO HIPPIE BARNEY, AND THE SORT OF RECALIBRATING THEY'VE DONE ON THE CHARACTER. HE'S BEEN ONE BROKEN LITTLE MOTHERFUCKER SINCE HE FIRST PUT ON THE SUIT, AND NOW THAT HE'S FOUND TRUE LOVE HE ISN'T AS BROKEN ANYMORE. THAT GETS A BIG FUCKING AWWWW!!! FROM ME.

TVDW=TL:DR

THAT KIND OF CRAZY AIN'T FUNNY.

IT'S FUNNY. THAT'S WHAT I SAID RIGHT AFTER YOUR MOM ASKED ME TO TAKE A FUCKING PATERNITY TEST AND RIGHT BEFORE I LEFT TOWN.

I'M READING IT AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO PLAY MARRY FUCK KILL.

I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH I ACTUALLY LOVE SOUL MUSIC BEFORE I LISTENED TO THIS BAND.

TODD, WHEN I SAY YOU'RE A PIGFUCKER, IT MEANS I APPRECIATE YOUR FUCKING DUMBASS OPINION.