THE SUBTITLES WERE AN EXACT TRANSLATION OF THE WORDS OF THE SONG, YOU MONOLINGUIST MOTHERFUCKERS.

HOLY FUCK, BITCHES, I LOVE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU. I LOVE HOW GUEST DUDE GETS ALL UMBRAGED UP BECAUSE EDKED SAYS CAPPACOCIUS ISN'T BEING SERIOUS - "HOW DARE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ASSUME HE ISN'T SERIOUS?!?!?!" HOURS AFTER CAPPADOCIUS HAS POSTED THAT HE WASN'T SERIOUS.

I CONCUR, TODD. THIS WEEK'S EPISODE WAS BY THE NUMBERS, THE MINIMUM AMOUNT OF FUN THAT COULD BE PRODUCED BY THE LORRE ASSEMBLY LINE, A FLACCID EXTRUSION FROM THE SITCOM EXTRUDER. I MISSED ABOUT TEN MINUTES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SHOW . . . AND FELT MORE RELIEVED THAN APPALLED. (YES, THE GAP INVOLVED SEX WITH YOUR MOM.…

IS PHYL DYESS-NYOUGENT TRYING TO GET ON MY GOOD SIDE? NOT ONLY HAS HE AGREED WITH MY TIRED OBSERVATION THAT "MOM" IS THE DOUBLE X VERSION OF "TWO AND A HALF MEN," BUT HE ALSO IMPLIES THAT ALLISON JANNEY IS LESS INTERESTED CONSTRUCTING A BELIEVABLE CHARACTER THAN IN MUGGING AND MAKING EACH LINE "SNAPPY". OF COURSE HE…

WHAT THE FUCK ARE REVIEWS FOR IF NOT TO CRANK OUT PATRONIZING SENTENCES ABOUT THE VAST WASTELAND OF TELEVISION PROGRAMMING AND THE SORRY MASS OF PIGFUCKERS WHO ONLY WANT SHOWS THAT ARE BRAINLESS ENOUGH TO LET THEM KEEP UP THEIR MARATHON SESSIONS OF SCROTUM TUGGING WITHOUT HAVING TO STOP AND THINK?

I CAN ONLY ASSUME THAT THIS COMMENTER IS REALLY MRS. VANDERWERFF.

NOT TOO SOON.

I WAS BUSY MASTURBATING.

HARMON IS PASSIONATE ABOUT HIS WORK AND WANTS TO FOLLOW HIS OWN FUCKING VISION. MAYBE THERE ARE SOME MOTHERFUCKERS HERE WHO'D PREFER COMMUNITY IF HE FOLLOWED ALL THE FUCKING NETWORK NOTES AND PUT IN MORE SCENES OF CHEVY CHASE AND HIS "KNOCKING THINGS OVER IS HILARIOUS" APPROACH TO COMEDY. "GREAT JOB, HARMON," THEY'D…

YES, YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE SO DEEPLY INSIGHTFUL AND BRAVE STANDING UP AGAINST RAPE CULTURE AND ALL THE RAPEY RAPERSONS WHO WANT TO RAPE EVERYBODY AND HATE WOMEN. AND EVERYBODY WHO WRITES STORIES THAT CONTAIN MURDERS ARE ARE OBSESSED WITH MURDERING AND EVERYBODY WHO WRITES STORIES THAT CONTAIN WAR ARE OBSESSED WITH WAR…

YEAH, MY EXPERIENCE IN MONTREAL IS THAT WHEN YOU TRY TO SPEAK FRENCH, PEOPLE HEAR HOW FUCKING ABYSMAL IT IS AND START SPEAKING TO YOU IN ENGLISH. IN QUEBEC CITY,L THEY WAIT FOR YOU TO MANGLE OUT A SENTENCE OR TWO AND THEN REPLY TO YOU IN FRENCH.

I'M GLAD I'M NOT OCD LIKE THAT.

MY FAVORITE HUGH GRANT ROLE IS IN "IMPROMPTU" - IF ONLY HE COULD MANGLE A POLISH ACCENT AND HAVE TUBERCU-FUCKING-LOSIS AND BE JUDY DAVIS'S BITCH IN EVERY MOVIE.

I WATCHED ABOUT FIVE MINUTES OF "MOM" THIS WEEK, AND THEN SOMEBODY WHO HAS BEEN LIVING MY HOUSE SINCE SHE SLID, SLOPPY AND VISCOUS, OUT OF MY WIFE'S VAGINA, CHANGED IT TO THE DISNEY CHANNEL. I LIKED THE PART ABOUT EVERYBODY GOING WITH MIMI KENNEDY TO CHEMOTHERAPY, BUT I'D ALMOST HAVE TO SAY I PREFERRED THE SEVEN…

I SAY HE DOES THE COMMENTS TO HIS OWN WRITE-UPS. BUT SECRETLY. AND WITHOUT LETTING ANYBODY ELSE KNOW. THE WAY NATURE INTENDED.

FUCKING FUCKERS WHO KEEP WANTING FUCKING HAVE DINNER WITH ME ON FUCKING MONDAY NIGHT!!

HOLY SHIT, O'NEAL, ARE YOUR CUNNING REFERENCES TO COMPLAINTS AND SHIT ABOUT THE REDESIGN MEANT TO SEDUCE ME FROM BEING A VANDERWERFF GIMMICK POSTER INTO BEING AN O'NEAL GIMMICK POSTER?

AND WITH THE "CANADIAN GIRLFRIEND" COMMENT ONEAL VAULTS FROM "FITFULLY ANNOYING SNARKY NEWSWIRE MOTHERFUCKER" TO "MOTHERFUCKING LEGEND."

MY CAT-WORSHIPPING FRIEND, IT'S TIME TO TO PUT IT BACK IN YOUR PANTS AND ADMIT YOU'VE BEEN BEATEN LIKE A FAINTING GOAT AND A BACKSEATFUL OF THIRD CHILDREN.

YOU, SIR, ARE REPREHENSIBLE. FURGUSON IS A DELIGHTFUL FUCKING NAME BECAUSE IT IS A STUPID PUN.