I did but I failed the audition. It was at Little Caesars and the waiter asked if I wanted more Crazy Bread, and like an idiot I said “Yes,” instead of “To me, it’s just Normal Bread,” which is what the Joker would say.

Pratt managed to disappoint everyone by doing his normal voice but then magically gaining an accent when Mario says “it’s-a me.”

Marvel directors don’t trust me with scripts just because I have a face tattoo that reads “I LOVE TO SPY FOR DC” and another face tattoo that reads “PHOTOGRAPHING SCRIPTS WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING SPRING BREAK 2011.” This is discrimination.

Remember when Wonder Woman said “I don’t own a TV” and then later we’re in her apartment and she has a special room with like 20 TV’s.

Ha ha, that’s funny, the way you implied that the studio would actually care if the movie was good or not.

Jeff Bezos spent $5.5 billion to go into space for four minutes because, by his own admission, he was bored and didn’t know what else to do with the money.

“That’s more than I make in a month working 40+ hours a week doing a “real” job.”

Except Warner had already signed a contract for a 5th season, so now they’re required to pay every single Westworld actor their full salary for that season, even though it won’t get made.

That doesn’t seem to matter ever since WB merged with Discovery, as they’ve been putting almost everything on the chopping block even if it is popular. Westworld was one of HBO’s most popular shows, but it was expensive so it got the axe regardless of strong ratings. Los Espookys wasn’t as popular, but it was MUCH…

Well, they are making a Disney Plus series for Wonder Man, a character whose day job is movie star, so...

Yes, instead you put that effort (meager though it obviously was) into putting the article’s writer down. While still encouraging AV Club to publish more Marvel stories through your continued engagement.

“Another Marvel article? But doesn’t the AV Club know I don’t want these? I’d better click on the article and comment on it and basically just fully engage with it so they know how much I don’t want to see it!”

You either die a hero, or you die something else. There are many possible professions, follow your dreams.

Yeah, okay, three things:

Why is that white mage wearing a hood. Why does he have fire magic.

You’re completely right, and what’s disappointing is that Anna Taylor-Joy can do posh really well! She recently starred in an adaption of Jane Austin’s Emma, and that story is all about an aristocratic posh girl who’s tougher than she seems. And she was great in that role. Here she just sounds like she’s reading lines…

True, but more people know Mario than know Chris Pratt, and all those people are used to Mario sounding like Charles Martinet.

I keep seeing this take and it’s total bullshit. You think a world-class voice actor like Martinet doesn’t know how to dial back a performance? Anyone in that business knows the difference between short enthusiastic quips and more sustained dialogue. That’s entry-level stuff. Charles Martinet is a professional, and…

It’s weird that every scene we’ve seen with Mario so far involves him fucking up somehow. If Mario is the klutzy one then what’s Luigi gonna do? 

Post-credits scene, Luigi inherits a mansion. Mario is hit with a magic spell which permanently removes his vocal chords. The sequel makes $10 billion.